Ice Cold
by fezzesarecool1234
Summary: Set somewhere in the first season. Neither Eddie nor Iris know Barry is the Flash, but when he is kidnapped by a vengeful metahuman, will STAR Labs need to clue those two in on the big secret, in order to save Barry? WARNING: major Barry!whump. No pairings, FINAL CHAPTER UP!
1. An Icy Start

**Disclaimer: These characters and the show unfortunately do not belong to me. I'm just playing around with them.**

* * *

An alarm going off brought Barry back to the land of the conscious. He opened his eyes blearily and examined his surroundings.

 _Where am I?_ The pounding in his head did nothing to dispel his sudden aching body, and the events of the previous day came rushing back to him. Captain Cold and his sister had come back to town and were wreaking their usual havoc when Barry intervened.

 _Ow._ The fight left him rather exhausted, but the constant ringing of his alarm clock further roused him to consciousness.

 _Crap!_ Barry shot out of bed and grabbed his clock desperately. _30 minutes!_ He was 30 minutes late for work. _Oh, Joe is gonna kick my butt! There's no way Singh will let me keep my job!_ Barry dressed in a flash **(pun intended)** and raced to the station. He slid to a halt in front of the building, ignoring the smoldering of his shoes, and dashed inside, hoping to sneak into his lab before someone noticed he was late. No such luck.

"Allen! My office, now!" Singh stopped Barry on the fourth step, jerking an angry finger over his shoulder, pointing to his office. He stomped away and left Barry on the stairs, with half of the police force watching him. Several uniforms just shook their heads, while others looked on in pity. Eddie approached him with an apprehensive look on his face.

"I'm sure it'll be okay." He said. Eddie gave Barry another look of pity before turning back to his desk, leaving Barry with an expression of, well, disbelief.

 _"Well, I guess this is it. Five years of working on the force, and it's over."_ Barry thought miserably as he reluctantly trudged towards the Captain's office. _"So much for my sparkling career as a forensic scientist."_

Singh actually just gave him a stern warning about being late and then he handed him a folder.

"New info on the Hapstill's case." He said when Barry gave him a confused look. _Oh_. Barry left the Captain's office and went to his lab, where he went over the case folder.

 _knock knock._

Barry looked up to see Joe running in, an alarmed look on his face.

"Hey," Barry said, "What's going on?"

"Barry, there's a shooting downtown." Barry immediately stood up and dashed out the door, leaving Joe chasing after him. He ran to Star Labs, put on his suit, and met Joe at the location he got from Cisco. There were police cars scattered around a bank, some flaming and wrecked. Civilians were running around screaming, and he could clearly see two silhouettes in the banks entrance. Two figures emerged, a man and a woman, carrying large black duffel bags and handguns.

"Open fire!" A cop shouted, taking cover behind the only unscathed car. Bullets began flying towards the pair at the bank, and they jumped into action. A large ball of red flame erupted from the woman's hands, and she shot it out towards the police officers. Barry sprinted around the bullets while Joe ducked behind a parked car as the flame hit an already destroyed police cruiser.

 _Great, more meta-humans._ Barry thought as he dashed from cover to grab the man, who was currently sending large icicles through car doors. The man was knocked aside and Barry turned to get the woman, but he hesitated when he saw four bullets heading straight for her. Barry ran, as Joe yelled for a cease fire, to catch the bullets before they killed the young woman.

 _One._ He caught it in his hand, and tossed it to the side. Three more were ahead of him as he raced forward.

 _Two._ He plucked it from thin air and threw it to the ground.

 _Three._ He gripped the warm metal and dropped it on the street.

 _Four_. His fingers reached forward to enclose the bullet in his palm.

He slipped.

The bullet shot past his gloved fingers as he came to a stop, and unable to tear his eyes away, Barry watched as the bullet ripped through the woman's chest. A large red burst of blood erupted from the woman's chest, and she collapsed.

"No!" Barry shouted in unison with the man, who got up and ran towards the woman. He grabbed her in his arms and held her close, while the street was silent. The officers were recovering, and Joe went around to check on the civilians, while a small group of officers slowly approached the bank front.

"Lily!" The man sobbed and shook, as the woman closed her eyes. Barry fell to his knees.

 _I wasn't fast enough_. Memories of Leonard Snart at the museum and the man that Barry failed to save flooded through his mind. The meta-human suddenly stood, after gently laying the woman's body down, and threw a large wave of ice towards the police force. Barry shot forward and ran to save all the cops, including Joe, from the large sheet of ice. The man ran, and disappeared while Barry raced around the ice and moved civilians and officers out of the way. Barry faltered when he felt a large piece of ice stab through his back. He collapsed, and twisted to reach the icy blade, sharply pulling it out. Barry screamed and fell further to the ground, unconsciousness threatening to overwhelm him. Barry saw Joe yell something at him, and he had just enough strength to dash all the way to STAR Labs before he collapsed in a bloody heap on the floor of the cortex. The last thing Barry knew was Cisco shouting his name and both he and Caitlin rushing towards him, before darkness enveloped him and his world fell away to coldness.

* * *

"...e's waking up..."

"...re you sure...?"

"...arry? Barry?" He could hear voices around him, felt a hand on his arm. _What?_

"Barry?" _Caitlin. That's Caitlin. What's going on?_

Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his right side, which then turned into an unbearable fire burning across his torso. A loud beeping echoed in his ears as he struggled to stay somewhat conscious. Barry felt a prick in his arm, and the pain in his body left as quickly as it had come.

"...ry? Bar..." _Cisco?_

"Barry." _Dr. Wells! He would know what's going on._ Barry struggled to move, to do something. His body just wouldn't listen to him. Unconsciousness pulled him back down again. The next time he woke, it wasn't as softly.

Barry jolted forward awake, breathing heavily, all his previous pain and injuries fully healed. Cisco appeared in his line of sight, then Caitlin and Dr. Wells joined him.

"Whoa, dude." Cisco said. "Take it easy." Barry was panting, his eyes blinking rapidly, still trying desperately to focus against the sudden blinding light.

"Ho-how long was I out?" Barry asked, looking around. Dr. Wells answered.

"About ten hours." Barry's eyed widened at that, and he immediately ripped the IV out of his arm and jumped off the bed.

"10 hours! How was I out that long?" Everyone was trying to get Barry to lie back down, but he just ignored them as he threw on a STAR Labs sweatshirt. He felt fine.

"The damage to your back was pretty severe," Caitlin said, pointing to some X-rays on the wall. "The icicle pierced your lower abdomen, and just barely missed your kidney. If you didn't have regenerative healing, you could've died." Caitlin actually looked worried. Her frown disappeared and she said brightly, "Not that I doubt my miraculous physician abilities."

Everyone smiled and the tension in the room dissipated, until Cisco brought up the meta-human.

"I think we'll call him, _The Icy Wonder._ " Cisco said dramatically. "I mean Captain Cold was taken, so..." Caitlin smiled, but Barry's thoughts were back to the showdown with that meta-human and the woman. The others noticed the change in Barry's demeanor, and a tense silence filled the room.

"Barry," Caitlin spoke. "It wasn't your fault."

"Yeah man, you tried. Nobody blames you."

 _I bet that man does._

"What was her name?" Barry asked quietly, forcing his eyes to the ground in an effort to stop the tears about to spill. They, inevitably, fell down his face, and he had to look the other way, so Cisco, Caitlin, and Dr. Wells wouldn't see him crying.

"Her name was Lily Adams." Dr. Wells wheeled around to the computer screens and pulled up a biography of the woman. Her face flashed in front of Barry and more tears dripped, unyielding, down his cheeks. "The other meta-human was Michael Adams, her brother." A similar photo pulled up of the man. They looked extraordinarily similar. As if reading Barry's mind, Dr. Wells said, "They were twins." Intaking a shuddering breath, Barry started to leave.

"I need to find him." Barry said, but was stopped by Cisco.

"Dude, you know we don't hold you responsible for Lily's death, but he might."

 _I wasn't fast enough._

"I think its best if you hang out here for a bit." Caitlin and Wells nodded, but Barry wasn't convinced.

"I can't, I have work to do." He glanced at his watch; it was 9:30. He had half an hour to get to work. Barry tried to walk around Cisco, but he was again stopped by Cisco putting a hand against his chest.

"Dude, did you not hear me? That guy could be after you- he probably is!" Barry's jaw clenched, and anger flooded through his veins. He needed to leave before he did something he'd regret.

"Get out of my way " Barry grit out, forcing himself to look coldly at Cisco. Caitlin and Cisco were taken aback by Barry's blunt and forceful tone, but Cisco did nothing to comply with Barry's demand. Wells looked on, an unreadable expression on his face. Barry steeled his features, and before anyone could do anything, he zoomed out of the room, already miles away in seconds.

"What was that about?" Caitlin asked.

"He's upset." Wells spoke up, wheeling around the computer desk to face Cisco and Caitlin. "He blames himself. Give him time."

* * *

Barry skid to a halt far away from STAR Labs, surrounded by a bunch of warehouses. He looked around, then bent over and leaned on his knees, gasping for breath. The guilt was eating him alive, and Barry could feel a warmth traveling up his throat as his lunch threatened to resurface. He coughed up some of the bile in his throat and spit it to the side. Still hunched over leaning on his knees, Barry fought the shiver traveling down his spine, and he angrily swiped away the tears flowing down his face.

 _snap_

A twig, a tree branch, a rock, something cracked around the quarry, and for the first time, Barry examined his surroundings. Four warehouses stood to the left of him, in front of a large mine shaft that traveled way down, nearly miles deep. A figure emerged from the third warehouse, the one closest to Barry. As he got closer, Barry prepared himself to battle, but the fight left him as soon as he got a clear look at the man's face.

"Michael Adams." Barry's voice cracked with guilt as the man approached. He wore an angry expression, and behind him trailed a long sheet of ice. "I-I'm so sorry about your sister." Michael scoffed, but continued walking. He finally spoke up.

"My sister is dead, because you couldn't save her." Barry gasped as more guilt flooded through his veins, and Michael finally stood face to face with Barry. "And now, you're going to pay." Barry felt a sharp prick in his arm, and looked down to see a small syringe sticking out. Knowing that whatever he had injected Barry with wouldn't work, Michael used his new-found ability to create a large rock of ice, and with it, he smashed Barry over the head. Barry collapsed on the ground of the empty lot, and the last thing he remembered was regretting not listening to Oliver during those lessons he gave Barry about _'observing your surroundings before flashing into an unsafe scene.'_


	2. Film Freeze

**DISCLAIMER: These characters and the show unfortunately do not belong to me. I'm just playing around with them.**

 **Hope I did okay with this chapter. I haven't had the chance to update yet, as I'm on vacation, but I did finish this chapter, so I'm using my dad's tablet to post this chapter. Anyways, enjoy!**

* * *

 _Ring Ring_

Iris had just finished publishing her newest post about the Flash on her blog when she got a call. It was late, nearly ten, and Eddie was already passed out on the couch in front of the TV. She looked around, spotting her phone sitting on the kitchen table not far from her, flashing words on the screen. Iris craned her neck to see the name on the illuminated screen, but gave up and picked her phone up to answer.

"Hello?" Iris asked. A familiar voice spoke on the other end of the cell phone.

"Iris, hey."

 _Caitlin? What does she want?_ Iris thought, unusually bitter towards the other woman.

"Caitlin?" Iris asked, "Can I help you?" The words came out harsher than she meant. Caitlin apparently didn't notice, because she continued to speak.

"Could you um, come down to STAR Labs? Your dad's already down here." _My dad?_

"Uh, yeah, sure. Why?" Iris asked, already dreading the worst. She could hear the panic in Caitlin's voice, a very foreign element to the normally well-centered scientist. Caitlin was always very calm, and if she was upset, then there was only one person that could probably set her off like that. For the first time, Iris desperately wanted to be wrong, but her heart fell when Caitlin spoke again.

"It's Barry." Iris stood and woke Eddie. He was disoriented at first, but he quickly straightened up when he saw the distressed look on his girlfriend's face.

"We're on our way." Iris said into the phone, immediately shutting it and filling Eddie in on what she knew so far. They sped over to STAR Labs in silence, quietly wondering what was wrong, both dreading the answer. They arrived, and entered the building, following the hallways and up the elevator to get to the cortex. Iris immediately hugged her father, who was standing off to the side next to Cisco and Dr. Wells, while Caitlin sat in front of the monitors.

"What's going on?" Eddie asked, pulling Iris back towards him. She nodded and looked at Caitlin.

"Yeah, where's Barry?" A grimace reached the faces of everyone, and Dr. Wells sighed, wheeling around to sit in from of Eddie and Iris, who still stood in the doorway.

"Approximately two hours ago, STAR Labs received the following video, featuring a man we have identified as Michael Adams." Dr. Wells turned to the computers and pulled up the biography of Michael Adams.

"Michael Adams? Isn't he that guy who tried to rob a bank yesterday?" Iris asked. "Yeah, the Flash stopped him, but he got away." A guilty look flashed across the faces of the people in the room, but Iris ignored it.

"Yes, anyways," Dr. Wells interjected, spinning back to the monitors to open the video. "Mr. Adams sent us this video." The screens were filled with the video, immediately playing for the audience. It was a dark, barren room, and there was little that could be seen. A face filled the screen; Michael Adams.

 _Wow._ That was Iris's initial thought when she saw the man on the monitor. He was very good-looking. He had dark brown hair with natural blonde highlights, blue eyes, and a very strong jawline. From what Iris could see, Mr. Adams sported a black hoodie, wearing just a grey t-shirt underneath. He was young, probably only a few years older than Eddie, and he had incredibly dark, attractive, eyelashes.

S _top it, Iris! Not only is your boyfriend standing right next to you as you moon over this stranger, but the man_ just _tried to rob a bank yesterday. Get ahold of yourself!_

"Hello, STAR Labs!" Michael spoke on the monitor, his voice deep and husky. The six people crowded around the computers to watch the man talk. "I have something of yours." Michael moved to the side of the camera, to show a single chair in the center of the room. The lights were off, so Iris couldn't see if anyone was sitting in the chair, but as soon as Michael flipped the lights on, her stomach dropped and her heart leapt up her throat. Sitting in the single chair, arms cuffed to the sides and head drooped against his chest, was Barry.

Though clearly unconscious, Iris could see his chest rising and falling, but a nasty gash ran the side of his head, blood dripping down his cheek. Iris gasped and felt Eddie place his arms around her shoulders to steady her, as he too took in the sight of the forensic scientist. Iris's hand flew to her mouth as she stifled the sob escaping her.

"Barry." She whispered. Joe, seeing this for the first time as well, sat down on a chair in the corner.

"Stay tuned, Wells, because I'm going to enjoy forcing you to watch, as I torture your little science experiment. That goes for all of you down at STAR Labs, and this pathetic hero's family too. Get ready, I'm gonna make you all pay for killing my sister." The screen went black and the lab was silent. Iris collapsed onto a chair, her face buried in her hands as tears streamed down her face. Eddie was taken aback, and he stood behind Iris, hand gripping her shoulder and a very upset look on his face. Eddie was the first to speak.

"I-I don't understand." Everyone looked at him. "Adams was talking about making Barry pay an-and torture. What did Barry do?" Iris angrily swiped the tears across her face and stood. She looked at her father when she spoke.

"What are you not telling us?" Her voice was cold and accusing. Cisco opened his mouth to speak.

"Look, Iris. We've sorta been kee-"

"No!" She interrupted, whirling to face everyone. "I want to hear from my father, exactly what is going on, and what Michael Adams wants with Barry!" She yelled. The room was silent while Iris breathed heavily. Joe stood from his chair in the corner. He walked and put his arms on Iris's shoulders, almost like he was steadying her.

"Iris," he began, looking to Dr. Wells for support. The crippled scientist just shrugged in response. Joe sighed, and continued. "We've been keeping something from you. Yesterday, Michael Adams and his sister, Lily, attempted to rob the Grands Bank over on Fifth and Central. They were, as you know, apprehended by the Flash. However, in the fray, Lily Adams was shot and killed during the police firefight." Joe paused, and again, a guilty look crossed everyone's face. "So, Michael Adams blames the Flash for her death and he's going to make him pay, because he wasn't able to save her." Iris gasped and covered her mouth, but Eddie was still lost.

"I'm confused, what does this have to do with Allen and why did that maniac kidnap him?" Eddie looked around at the group, and Joe opened his mouth again to speak, but was cut off.

"Because," Iris said, shock and betrayal written across her face as she looked around the crowd of her family and friends, her mind finally putting two-and-two together. "Barry is the Flash."

* * *

Barry woke slowly, his eyes struggling to adjust in the pitch black.

 _What happened?_

He tried to move, to remember where he was, but a cold metal wrapped around his wrists kept him from moving.

 _Oh, right._ Monday night came rushing back to Barry, _or was it last night?_ Had only a few hours passed since he had been knocked out and taken by Mr. Michael Adams? Barry had lost all sense time and direction.

 _I'm sitting in a chair, that's for sure._ Barry tried listing off things he knew about his situation, but he found it hard to concentrate with the incredible pounding in his ears.

 _Oh, yeah, head injury. That's generally what happens when you're bashed over the head with a rock or ice or whatever._

Suddenly, a searing bright light filled the room Barry was in, and he shut his eyes against the blinding brightness. A cold laugh filled Barry's ears, and his eyes shot open in surprise, despite the burning light. Finally, his eyes adjusted to the sudden change in light, and Barry got a clear look at the room he was tied up in. He was sat in the center of the room, tied to a metal chair. In front of him, Barry could see equipment, computers and cameras, and to the left of him was a metal table with tools. The room itself was concrete, like a bunker or a basement, with no windows and only one door, which Barry could see out of the corner of his eye. The room was fairly large, with Barry in the middle and the nearest wall at least seven feet away.

"Hope you enjoy the view." Barry jumped, or as best he could while strapped to a chair, having completely forgotten about the other man in the room. The voice was behind him, whispering in his ear, and Barry turned his head to look at Adams. "I didn't have much time to decorate, but I do hope you like it." He walked around to crouch in front of his captive. Barely controlled rage flooded through Barry as Adams taunted him. "After all, you will be staying here for a while, with me." Barry suppressed his anger just long enough to remember his situation.

 _Ok, its time to shed these shackles._

Barry concentrated with all his might to shaking his hands at superspeed. He would vibrate so fast in the cuffs that they would shatter and break off, and then Barry could escape and bring Michael to STAR Labs. Except, nothing happened. Barry paused in his concentration, complete and utter confusion written on his face.

 _My speed. It's not working._ Adams must've developed the power to read minds as well, because he chuckled at Barry's stumped expression.

"You're not going anywhere."

"What did you do to me?" Barry asked, devastation creeping into his voice.

 _Without my powers, my speed, I can't save people. I-I'll be nothing._

"Let's just say I've done my homework." Adams stood and pulled up a chair to sit in front of Barry. "You see, I'm actually what you'd call a genius." Barry scoffed and stopped struggling in his restraints.

"Arrogant much?" Michael just chuckled to himself and continued.

"As I was saying, a year ago, I was going places! I had been accepted at Harvard, my sister too, I was gonna get my degree in technological sciences, become a famous scientist, maybe even work at the infamous STAR Labs." He continued. "But all that ended the day that particle accelerator exploded. My sister and I were affected, we got these new powers. But we couldn't control them. So we hid, abandoned our dreams just to survive." Barry scoffed again, and interrupted.

"Could you skip the sob story and get to the point? How did you take away my speed?" A harsh fist connected with Barry's face. His head whipped back and banged against the chair, but Michael grabbed Barry's hair and yanked him forward. A small cut bled a bit down Barry's lip, and he had to grind his teeth against the pain.

"Shut up!" Michael smacked Barry again, for good measure, before finishing his story. "It's not difficult science. Heat speeds up, cold slows down. I used a concentrated dose of my blood cells to create a sort of, virus. One that counteracts and subdues your modified cells." Barry nodded, and to his horror, was actually a little impressed.

"So what's your plan here, Adams?" Barry asked, as Michael finally stood and made his way towards the equipment at the front of the room. He picked up a camera and pointed at Barry.

"I'm going to avenge my sister. But the only way to do that, is to make you and your family understand my pain. You killed my sister, so I'm going to kill you, but not without having a little fun first. You're gonna pay, _Barry."_ Barry's stomach did a flip. He figured that Adams had to have known who he was, but it was still upsetting to know that Barry's friends and family could be in danger, because of him.

"H-how do you know my name?" Barry breathed. Michael scoffed and just said one word, pointing to himself as he said it.

"Genius, duh." Adams settled the camera on a tripod, ensuring that Barry was in the frame, as well as the back wall, where rusty chains hung connected to the wall and ceiling. "It wasn't that hard to figure out. I'd been watching STAR Labs when I saw you run out last night, so I followed you to the quarry. Once I got a peek at your face behind the mask, it wasn't that difficult to put a name to that face." Michael walked over to the metal table by the wall, dragging a rolling tray with him. He picked up different equipment and various tools. Barry craned his neck to see them, but abandoned his endeavor, simply waiting for his captor to finish. Barry pulled at the cuffs on his wrists, but the only thing he accomplished was chafing his arms so bad they bled. After an eternity, Michael left the table, rolling his tray to sit next to Barry. He stood and turned on the camera, then walked back over to where Barry sat shaking in his seat.

 _Oh, no._ On the tray were a collection of silver objects, mainly knives. Pain just comes with the territory. Barry told himself, trying to calm down, but each glance at the knives sent him further into a panic.

 _I can't do this, I can't do torture! I'm just a kid!_

 _ **No! Stop it! You're an adult, and a hero, you can handle this. You'll be fine.**_

"Ready to get started?" Michael lifted a single knife, and then smiled sickeningly at the camera. Barry too looked at the camera, knowing that his family and friends would soon see this, but despite his commands to stay strong and be brave, Barry's face portrayed complete terror. The red light on the camera blinked on.

* * *

 **Review! Please please please leave a review! I'm super worried, Starla hasn't eaten in days, and if you guys don't review, she'll die! Then I won't be able to continue this story, so please, I'm begging you, help me feed my muse with reviews! (Ha, that rhymed.) Anyways, hope you liked this chapter and please favorite/follow this story. Leave a review! :)**


	3. Frigid Torture

**DISCLAIMER: These characters and the show unfortunately do not belong to me. I'm just playing around with them.**

 **I did it! I updated! Sorry this chapter is pretty short, but Starla is losing her strength. Without her, I have no muse, and that means no update. Please, help her. But, anyways enjoy! Poor Barry, I'm so evil. MWAHAHAHAHA. I enjoyed writing this chapter WAY too much.**

* * *

"How could you keep something like this from me?!"

"Iris, baby, calm dow-"

"No! I will not calm down!" Iris raged around the Cortex, any attempt by Eddie to hold her back long forgotten. She was wild, her hair disheveled and angry. "You lied to me! You all lied right to my face!" Cisco, Caitlin, and Dr. Wells just shrugged and backed out of the conversation. This was between Iris and her father. Or so they thought.

"And you-" Iris whirled around to face them, pointing an accusing finger in their direction. "I thought we were friends! But you lied to me too!" Eddie was in the corner, a bit overwhelmed by the latest surprise.

 _Barry, is the Flash? Barry? Our Barry? The forensic assistant? Barry?_

"Iris, baby, please." Joe said, attempting to explain himself. "I was just trying to protect you-we all were!" Iris's eyes burned with rage.

"Protect me?! I would've been safer if I had known, I could've been prepared!" She took one last look at the paused screen, where she could just make out Barry's limp form in the chair. "We might've been able to save Barry! And now, he's in the hands of that monster and it's your fault!" Iris stormed out of the room and ran to her car. Eddie jogged to catch up with her, but she didn't leave and drive away. Instead, she locked the doors and Eddie held her as she cried into his arms, the shock and stress of the day breaking her down. He soothed her until she calmed down.

* * *

"Dr. Wells!" Caitlin exclaimed. "We have an incoming transmission from Adams." Cisco and Wells dropped what they were doing and raced to the computers, while Joe dashed outside to get Iris and Eddie. He approached her car and rapped on the window. Eddie rolled it down.

"Iris, Adams has made contact. We have an incoming video from him." Iris and Eddie immediately exited the car and returned to the Cortex. They walked in to see another video enlarged on the computer screens. Similar to the other video, it was dark, but there was a single light shining on Barry, who was still tied to the chair in the center of the grimaced at the blood on his face, but what made her stomach plummet was the sight of the various tools next to Barry. There were dozens of knives, pliers, and other horrible devices. Worse, Iris could make out chains dangling from the wall behind Barry.

"Oh, Barry." Iris whispered to herself.

"I don't know how he managed to break through our firewalls," Cisco said, tapping on keyboards and clicking his mouse all over the screens. "But, this is live. I'm completely locked out; he's in control." Dr. Wells took over, but everyone else just sat down. Adams came into view of the camera, a sick smile on his face.

"Barry." He whispered. Barry stirred in his seat, but didn't lift his head to answer. Adams approached the chair and crouched in front. He whistled and snapped his fingers at Barry's face, like he was a dog. "Barry! Wake up." Impatient, Adams lifted his hand to strike out, catching Barry on the left of his face. He let out a startled yelp as his face whipped brutally backwards and hit the chair head. "Good, you're up." Adams smiled at Barry sadistically. Barry shook his head and looked up. He managed to glare at Adams, but Iris could see the pain he was in. The cut on his lip had reopened and was now bleeding steadily. "Very brave." Adams taunted, standing behind Barry, looking directly into the camera. An unknown emotion flooded through Iris. She wanted to hurt that man, to kill him. It was pure hatred and loathing. "Now, say hi to your family before we begin." Barry looked at the camera. He steeled his face, determined not to break silence. Adams just scowled and picked up a small scalpel.

 _No._ Iris thought. _Please, God, no._ She pleaded and prayed. _Please, don't be doing what I think he's doing._

Adams touched the blade to Barry's arm. An involuntary shudder rattled Barry's body as the scalpel was pushed harder against his skin. Adams dragged the knife further up Barry's arm, towards his elbow. Blood formed, then gushed where the skin broke, as Barry repressed every thought and command to scream. Suddenly, the scalpel was pulled away, and Adams was moving to the other side.

This time, Barry did scream. Not for long, and it wasn't loud, just a short cry as the bloody scalpel made deep, horizontal lines across Barry's forearm. Adams continued for what felt like eternity, carving Barry up, slicing his skin. With every cut, Adams dug deeper, and with every held back scream from Barry, Iris felt even more broken. She had sunk to a chair in the corner as she watched, while everyone but Cisco, who was typing furiously on a separate computer to try and trace the video, sat and watched in shock. It hadn't quite sunk in yet, that Barry, their Barry, was being tortured. A sharp cry from the screen brought Iris back to reality.

 _Oh my gosh_. Adams had brought the scalpel down on Barry's leg. It was sticking out of Barry's lower thigh at a jagged angle, only the very end of the scalpel could be seen, it was so deep. Blood gushed out of the hole in Barry's leg, small, but still quite painful. Barry struggled against his bonds, his wrists were bleeding from pulling against the chains around his arms, and he was leaning painfully backwards to try and alleviate the pain.

 _He's covered in blood._ Barry was visibly shaking, sweat on his forehead and despite his every attempt to be brave, he was moaning in pain. His jeans were blood-soaked, but when Barry glanced down at his arms, he was met with a gory sight. His arms were in disarray, deep cuts bleeding freely. He wasn't healing. Not as fast anyways. And it wasn't permanent, but it would last as long as Adams' dose of formula that slowed him down.

"Aaaaahhhh!" Suddenly, Barry screamed as Adams brutally yanked the scalpel out of Barry's leg. Barry was left panting and rapidly losing consciousness, still bleeding quite steadily. His head finally lolled forward as he, thankfully passed out. Adams left to clean his tools, leaving the camera feed up for STAR Labs to see. When he returned, his face came into full view of the video feed. Iris felt pure hatred bubble up inside her.

"Did you enjoy my little demonstration, STAR Labs? He smirked sickeningly and Joe was tempted to throw something at the screen. "And that's only the beginning. We are gonna have so much fun!" Caitlin left the room to go throw up, and soon Cisco joined her. They were scientists, not soldiers, for goodness sake! And Barry was a forensic assistant! This was not something they were accustomed to seeing. The camera turned off, and the feed went black.

"Barry." Iris whispered. Eddie screamed and threw a paperweight from the desk at the wall, then excused himself from the room.

"Dr. Wells." Joe spoke. Wells wore an unreadable expression, but his face was grave.

"Detective." Wells acknowledged.

"Please tell me you can find him." Cisco and Caitlin returned, their eyes puffy and red. Cisco immediately went to the computer to assist Dr. Wells, while Caitlin went to hug Iris.

"I'll do my best, Detective." Dr. Wells replied, turning to the computers and mumbling for Cisco to focus and get started. Joe nodded and sat down, folding his hands in his lap. Unconsciously, Joe sent a million prayers up to heaven. _Hang in there Barry, we'll find you._

* * *

 _"They'll never find you."_ A still small voice in the back of Barry's mind whispered. His thoughts betrayed him when he found himself agreeing with the voice. He had woken up hours before to pitch black. Barry felt the blood from his arms drizzling out of his veins, though most had stopped bleeding by now. His clothes were blood soaked, and in the dark, Barry was just able to make out the wound on his thigh. He was shivering, and with every shudder, Barry had to hold back a moan whenever he jostled his skin.

 _If they were actually looking for me, they would have found me by now. I'm gonna be trapped here until Adams gets bored of me, and kills me_.

In his heart, Barry knew that his family would find him, but it was becoming increasingly difficult not to lose all hope.

* * *

 **Whoops! What's that noise? Just the sound of million's of fans' hearts breaking! Am I right? Maybe not, for all you sadistic people like me out there! Anyways, please review, and feel free to leave a suggestion about what I should do next. Starla seems to have lost her inspiration, and I'm not sure what to do to Barry next! Please, review. (Starla's lost over 20 lbs!) Review!**


	4. Frosty Rescue

**Yeah, so I updated! Hurrah! This chapter iz good, me thinks, but please, do so lemme know. Leave a review! Seriously, leave a review. Starla WAS doing okay, but then the reviews just dropped off and I had to take her to the emergency room. Please, I need my muse! REVIUUUUUUUUUUW. Anywho, thanks, and enjoy!**

 **DISCLAIMER: These characters and the show unfortunately do not belong to me. I'm just playing around with them.**

* * *

Two weeks.

It had been two weeks since Barry disappeared. Only one week since Caitlin had called Oliver and Felicity and they drove the some five hours to Central City. One week since Oliver had been crashing on Joe's couch, and Felicity in Barry's room. But it had been what felt like months of captivity for Barry.

It was the same thing every day. Barry would pass out, bleeding in his chair, Adams would shut off the video camera and leave, the STAR Labs team would recover from the shock of seeing Barry tortured-and it was always a shock. No matter how many times Adams sent them a video, no matter how loud, often, or painfully Barry screamed, no matter the different types of torture Adams did to Barry, they were never able to stomach seeing Barry, our Barry, in constant agony-get back to finding him, and then the next day, it was the same thing. Lather, rinse, repeat; with no end in sight. If Barry thought that Adams would get bored of him eventually, and kill him, he was sorely mistaken Adams seemed to find something new to do to Barry every day.

On the second day, he used a cattle brand to burn Barry's skin, to the point of black, charred dust. Then, he would give him time to heal, after perfecting his serum to allow Barry to heal faster and more efficiently, while reducing his speed and immediate healing response.

On the third day, Adams tied Barry to the chains on the wall, and hit him over and over and over again with a flogging whip. The bits of metal and glass connected to the leather scratched and tore at Barry's bare back.

On the fifth day, Adams beat Barry senseless. And it was senseless; no point to it, he just wanted to hurt Barry. The bruises didn't fade until the end of the first week. Barry had lost hope by then.

By the second week, there was no part of Barry that wasn't black, blue, and bleeding. Iris prayed, and Joe prayed, and Caitlin prayed, but Barry never prayed. He didn't believe that there could still be a God, not while he was trapped and being tortured every day. He didn't pray, and he didn't beg. But he did scream. Nothing could stop his body's automatic response to pain, and honestly, screaming helped. It helped Barry to forget what was happening to him.

On the seventh day, alone in the dark, Barry broke his wrist and pulled it through the cuff on his arm. He undid the restraints and stood. And on the eighth day, Adams found Barry passed out, next to his chair. He tied him up again, and beat him harder than ever.

On the tenth day, Adams used his power to freeze Barry's fingers, and break them. He shoved icicles through Barry's arms, legs, and torso, and gave him third degree frostbite all over his body. Barry lasted one more week.

It was Monday, officially three weeks since Barry had been taken. Singh had had all of his detectives and officers search for their missing forensic assistant, with no result. Joe was distraught, and Singh had to suspend him for a few days; he was unable to focus. Coincidentally, the Flash had also been absent, but the Captain dutifully ignored what his brain was telling him. It was 10:30 at night and Joe was sulking on his couch when Oliver called him.

"Joe, get to STAR Labs. Now!" With that, the hooded vigilante hung up, and drove his bike to STAR Labs, where Felicity had summoned him, Joe, Eddie, and Iris not five minutes before. They all arrived at once and sped into the building. Upon reaching the Cortex, Joe, Oliver, Eddie, and Iris noticed Cisco and Caitlin sat in front of the computers, Dr. Wells sitting behind them in his wheelchair, and Felicity typing furiously on a keyboard.

"What's going on?"

"What's wrong?"

"Is it Barry? Did you find him?"

Voices overlapped each other and the four companions overwhelmed the scientists with questions.

"Woah, chill." Cisco warned the babbling people. All four shut their mouths and wordlessly pulled up chairs next to the computers. They waited expectantly, and Felicity obliged them a video from Mr. Adams. A small two-way speaker and camera was pulled up in the corner of the screen, and they all saw Adams switch a light on in the room. Barry was chained up, his wrists tied above his head to the ceiling. He was standing on the end of his toes, his exhaustion blatantly obvious. Barry had given up on trying to appear strong; by now, even Oliver Queen would be begging for death.

 _Are they even watching this?_ Barry knew that Adams recorded their torture sessions, knew that he sent them to STAR Labs every day. But it had been weeks since he was taken, and still he hadn't been rescued.

 _They've forgotten about me. They don't care._ The small voice in Barry grew into a battle cry, and the reasonable part of him, the one that still believed his family would find him, that part was drowned out. Every day the voices grew, louder and louder, screaming in his head, **_they don't care! They never cared! They want you dead! They're happy you're gone._**

 _That's not true._

Barry defended his family, he believed; until one day he didn't. It was over. **_They don't care_** **.** He believed the voices. Two weeks into his captivity, the Flash died. And Barry Allen was left alone to wait for death, the small forensic scientist who believed in the impossible. Well, he stopped believing. He stopped hoping that Iris would love him, that his father would get out of prison, that he would find the Reverse-Flash, that he would be rescued. Barry gave up in every sense of the word.

So, when Adams pulled him from his chair and chained him from the ceiling, Barry didn't protest. He had started believing Adams when he told Barry he deserved everything he did to him. Adams stripped Barry of his shirt, which already hung on shreds across Barry's front. Something was different about this time. Barry could feel the apprehension in waves of inner turmoil. Adams rolled something large into the room and set it in front of Barry. It was a very large screen, and when Adams flicked it and the camera on, Barry's heart leapt up his throat. On the screen, he could see everyone at STAR Labs. Joe, Iris, Eddie, Cisco, Caitlin and Wells. Even Felicity and Oliver could be seen on the screen. His heart soared with hope, only to fall flat and be squashed down again by the voices.

 ** _They're only watching because they want to see you hurt. They enjoy watching you bleed._**

"Barry!" Iris spoke on the monitor.

 ** _She doesn't love you. She never has._** Tears sprung to his eyes. The screen flickered and the image almost went away. Deep inside him, Barry begged for Adams to bring them back. The image came back and his friends were once again speaking to him. There was a reflexive screen in the bottom corner of the monitor, and Barry could see the image of himself in chains. He nearly threw up just looking at himself. Haunted eyes glared back at him as Barry stared into his reflection. He was a skeleton, his ribs were prodding out from his chest, scars littered his torso. It was disgusting. He must've lost over fifty pounds. There wasn't a single spot on his body not covered in bruises, cuts, welts, and blood. His skin was clinging to his broken bones in awful positions, and healed over scars and bones were covering his torso.

"Barry? Barry, can you hear me?" Joe was speaking now. Barry looked at his adoptive father on the screen, longing to just be held by him.

 ** _He doesn't love you._**

 _Yes, he does._

 ** _NO, he doesn't. He just wants to control you_** **.**

Barry fought with himself, ignoring the others on the screen. He filtered every other voice out, new-found hope blossoming in his heart. Felicity was speaking, Caitlin, Wells. Barry couldn't hear them. Besides, Adams was busy talking with them about something or other.

 ** _He doesn't love you._**

 _That isn't true._

 ** _Of course, it is. He just wants to control you._**

 _No!_

 ** _Why else would he send your father to jail?_**

 _But-he raised me. He loves me._

 ** _No, he doesn't! He may have raised, but that doesn't mean you're his son. How could you be? You're just a troubled boy who saw something traumatic as a child. You know why he took you in? He felt sorry for you. You poor, weak boy. You think that because you were struck by lightning and got powers, you're special? You're just a child pretending to be a hero. You are nothing!_**

"Shut up!" He said that part out loud. Everyone was silent, until Adams spoke.

"What did you say?" He smirked, but behind the mirth, Barry could see the anger, the fury.

"Barry! We're coming for you! I promise! We will fin-"

"Turn it off." Barry interrupted Iris when she spoke. Everyone's eyes widened when he asked Adams to turn off the speaker and shut down their video. He didn't want to see them.

"Please, turn it off." His voice was hoarse, and he spoke barely above a whisper.

"Barry, no!" Felicity begged him. "We're coming, I swear!"

"No, you're not." Hushed tones surrounded the STAR Labs team. That simple confession from Barry broke their hearts. He didn't believe them. He had given up.

"That's right! They're not!" Adams smirked and Barry's heart broke even more. "At least, not in time to save you." He pulled out a gun. Barry wasn't surprised. He had seen this coming a mile away. It was only fitting, Barry had killed his sister.

"Do it." Barry spoke quietly, so that only Adams could hear him. He grinned, and pulled the trigger.

"Barry!"

"No!" Joe and Iris and everyone screamed, but not Barry. He didn't hear their screams, he didn't hear Adams' cackles, he couldn't hear anything. All he felt was the pain. It was unlike anything Adams had done to him. When he looked down, he saw red. Not anger red, blood red. The pain stemmed from his abdomen, and spread like fire and ice, blood gushing from him. Adams unlocked the chains around Barry's wrists, and he dropped to the ground. His speed may have been reduced, but it didn't keep him from not passing out quickly. It would be a slow death, Adams had made sure of that. Barry briefly registered Iris sobbing.

 _I'm sorry, Iris._

 ** _Oh, please. Those are tears of joy._**

Barry lay on the floor in a puddle of blood, unconsciously unaware of his surroundings. He still battled with the voices in his head, the ones that told him he was unloved, unwanted, uncar-

 _Oh, just shut up. Leave me alone, death is right around the corner. Just be silent._

"The address is 212 Altramass Lane. He'll be in the third warehouse, next to the garage." Adams spoke. He looked at the camera, offered them a way to save him. _Why?_ Another smirk graced his face, and he motioned to his watch. "Tick-tock! He's dying. You better hurry." And with that, Adams exited the room, leaving Barry and all his equipment, the camera still running, behind. Joe grabbed his coat.

"Let's go!" Everyone jumped into motion. Oliver grabbed his bow and mask, Eddie and Joe their guns, and Wells mapped out the quickest route for them. Oliver jumped on his bike and Joe and Eddie got in Joe's car. Iris ran up to them.

"I'm coming with you." They didn't even protest. She jumped into the backseat and they sped off.

* * *

"Barry?! Barry!" Joe kicked the door of the warehouse down and the door ran inside. It was dark, the warehouse was enormous.

"Barry!" Iris screamed to the empty building. Silence.

...

...

"Iris?" An audible gasp, faint, but it was there.

"Barry?!" Oliver yelled, calling for the scarlet speedster. He moaned, and the four spun around. Eddie ran to the left wall, pushed aside a few boxes, to reveal a door.

"Barry! We're here, it's okay!" Iris screamed, rushing forward and bursting through the door. She nearly tripped on the tipped over tray of equipment. He was lying in a pool of blood, behind the chair. Iris fell forward, and pulled him into her lap.

"Barry!" She sobbed. "It's okay, it's okay." Joe and Oliver rushed forward to help.

"Barry, son, you're gonna be okay." Joe was crying and Oliver stooped down to talk.

"You'll be fine, kid. I know you will." Barry just nodded his head, mumbled something, and closed his eyes.

"Barry!" Iris screamed. "Keep your eyes open for me." He creaked them open. Oliver tore off a strip of his shirt.

"We need to stop the bleeding." _What I wouldn't give for Diggle to be here._ Oliver gently pressed the cloth to Barry's wound. He screamed and began to thrash around, but Joe held him in an iron grip.

"Shh." Iris ran her fingers through his hair, soothing his cries.

"Pl-please." Barry begged her. "S-stop it-t. I'm sorry." He closed his eyes again.

"Barry, wake up!" Her pleas grew further and further away as darkness finally pulled him under, away from his family. The last thing he saw was Iris and Joe's panicked faces, before his world melted away and he felt nothing.

* * *

 **Cool cool, so hope you liked this chapter! YAS. Poor Barry, he's so depressed. Sorry if Oliver was a bit OOC, I don't actually watch Arrow, but imma start sooooooooon. Right, so I posted this like two days ago, and it got barely any views, and I'm like, what the heck? Is it me? Is it my writing, am I really bad at this? I don't know what to do, but unless I get some reviews, Starla isn't going to be writing any more updates with me for a while...**

 **Anywho, please, please, please, please, please review! I NEED to know if this is getting good response so please, HELP ME! AGH! Also, I fixed any mistakes in this chapter, i think, so please review! Also, I have finals this week, plus the holidays and whatnot, so updates may be a little slow. So, please review, and Merry Christmas! XOXO**


	5. Chilly Treatment

**DISCLAIMER: These characters and the show unfortunately do not belong to me. I'm just playing around with them.**

* * *

"Barry!" Iris screamed at her best friend, desperately shaking his limp, almost lifeless body. The room was overcrowded with the five people, and various tools were strewn about. It was dark, and musty, with an overwhelming, thick smell, dank and clingy. Blood.

"Joe," Oliver said, motioning to the detective, "help me lift him. We've got to get him to STAR Labs." Joe nodded and took Barry's front from Iris, who was reluctant to let go. He grunted, _dang, this boy weighs more than he looks_ , and hauled Barry's limp body to his car, outside in the parking lot, with the help of Eddie and Oliver, while Iris followed them, fretting all the way. She climbed in after Barry and pulled him into her lap, while the others hopped into their rides, the night sky leaving them with a feeling of dread.

"Drive!" Iris ordered, panic lacing the quake in her voice. She was crammed into the back of Joe's cruiser, with Barry's body laying spread eagle across her, half on the seat cushions, half lying on the floor of the car. "Barry, come on, look at me!" He stirred gently, but didn't open his eyes, or give any indication that he was conscious and aware of what was happening around him. A bump in the road caused the car to jolt, throwing its occupants forward. Barry cried out as the forceful collision with the back of Joe's seat jostled his battered body. His eyes fluttered open, sweat dripping down his face.

"Barry, hey." Iris said, pulling him back up and cupping his face with her hand to look at her. "Come on, it's me. Hey." His eyes searched the car, looking at his surroundings, before finally settling on Iris.

Recognition flooded Barry's features and he opened his mouth to let out a shaky, "Iris?" She breathed a sigh of relief and hugged him closer as he groaned.

"Yeah, yeah it's me." His eyes slid shut again. "Barry!" Barry opened his eyes and gave Iris a feeble grin.

"Hmm?" He mumbled, his voice too raw and weak to form any actual full syllables.

"Keep your eyes open for me, Barry." Eddie turned around in the front seat to check on the bleeding speedster in his partner's backseat.

"Iris," Eddie said, as he tore off his jacket, ripped it into three long pieces, and tossed them behind him to her, "you need to keep pressure on the wound." Iris nodded vigorously, immediately pushing her hands onto Barry's stomach, though it was awkward with his position on the car's floor. He yelped loudly and turned away from her, his entire body trembling with fever.

"Barry, please!" Iris begged, pulling him back to face her, difficult though it may be in the confined space. "You need help!" She held him firmer this time in her arms. He struggled, but still too weak to do much, all he could do was lie in her arms and beg for death.

"S-stop, please!" Barry whispered, pushing against her hands. His face was screwed up in pain and his eyes were clenched tightly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." It became a mantra, repeated over and over in a strained voice. It killed Iris to hurt Barry even more than he already had been, but it was for his own good, to help him. A lone tear traveled down her face when Barry finally passed out, and she sobbed as her best friend, practically her brother, lay brokenly against her. Iris hugged him tighter as he moaned and twisted slightly in his sleep.

"We're two minutes from STAR Labs, hang in there Barry." Joe shouted over his shoulder, right as he made a sharp right, slamming Eddie to the side. He pushed his foot on the accelerator and sped through the single road leading to STAR Labs. Iris let out a long breath, one she didn't know she had been holding, when the large facility finally came into view of the car. Joe drove right to the entrance and slammed on the brakes, while Oliver parked his bike. Swinging his car door open, Joe immediately shot out of his car and ripped open the other door, where Iris was leaning back with Barry in her lap.

"Dad." Iris said, the utter desperation in her voice stunning him, if for only a moment. The opposite car door opened and Eddie's face appeared behind Iris's shoulder. Joe leaned forward to collect Barry from his daughter, and once he had pulled his son out of the car, she vaulted forward, a sobbing mess, into Eddie's arms.

"Queen, help me." Joe motioned to the vigilante, who rushed to help the detective carry Barry inside. Though awkward and difficult, they managed to carry- well, drag- Barry through the building, Eddie and Iris racing behind them. Caitlin and Cisco met them halfway with a gurney, and they rolled the no longer unconscious hero into the medical lab.

"I think I'm gonna throw up." The first words out of Felicity Smoak's mouth when her eyes fell upon her moaning friend. Oliver gave her a hard look and after a quiet, "Oh, Barry", Felicity flustered up.

"Uh, well, um, we-we need, some uh, some supplies, and umm- yeah, gauze and needles and thread, disinfectant..." She rambled on, rushing around the white hospital room to get supplies, while Caitlin set up equipment; she was surprisingly very calm and her overall appearance was cool, despite her very soul contracting and twisting in pain over seeing her best friend dying in her arms. Felicity was a shaking mess, but she nonetheless helped set up the hospital room, while Joe and Oliver carefully set Barry on the operating table. He was shaking and groaned at the contact with the very cool metal table. A violent shudder rippled through him.

"Barry!" Iris sobbed. She tried approaching him, but Eddie held her back.

"Iris, come on. We need to let Caitlin work." Eddie said, while Joe and Oliver also left. Caitlin and Felicity set to work.

"No, I'm not leaving him!" She shouted, pushing against her boyfriend's arms.

"He's going to be fine, I promise!" Eddie reassured her, finally managing to pull her away from Barry's side. They left the two doctors to their work. Eddie and Iris returned to the Cortex, to meet a very shaken up, but also relieved group. Collapsing into a chair, Iris let her head fall into her lap while Eddie left to get everyone some coffee. They were in for a long night.

* * *

"Oliver."

...

"Oliver."

...

"Oliver!"

The archer paused in his last-minute packing. They were in a separate room away from the Cortex, where the hooded vigilante immediately went after Caitlin dismissed Felicity. Apparently, her hands were shaking so bad she couldn't focus, so Dr. Snow asked Diggle to help.

"Yes?" He asked, through ground teeth. Felicity sighed and approached him, stilling his movements with her hands.

"Oliver, I know you want to catch the man who did this to Barry, so do I." She gave him a meaningful look. "But rushing off and chasing after Adams is not going to help Barry right now." Oliver threw his duffel bag at the wall, a heavy clang against the concrete with all his weapons shoved inside.

"Why not?!" He shouted, desperation lacing the panic in his voice.

"Because Barry needs you!" Felicity's soft tone was gone, replaced with a very upset one. "He needs all of us, and you want to abandon him?! When he needs his friends and family the most?" The accusation stung, but there was no denying it.

"But what can I do?!" Oliver shouted, masking the break in his voice with barely contained anger. "I'm not a doctor, Felicity! Or-or a therapist! I'm a hunter!" The anger was replaced with conviction. "I am gonna find this guy, and put an arrow through his heart!" Oliver slammed his fist on the table, his words coming out to a hiss.

She didn't doubt his threat, she knew he would carry through. _"Poor guy"_ , she thought, before shaking her head. _"No, he deserves everything he's got coming."_ A large commotion coming from the Cortex snapped the two into action. Oliver grabbed his bow and dashed towards the sound, Felicity hot on his heels.

"Barry, calm down! Stop!" The Starling City residents found Caitlin Snow and Cisco Ramon in what seemed like the fight of their life. Against their best friend. The hospital room they had set up for Barry was in disarray. The bed was overturned, trays strewn across the floor, along with the tools. Barry's IV bag was on the floor, and the overhead light was dangling by a broken pair if brackets. Light illuminated the front of the room, where everyone had gathered.

"What's going on?" Felicity asked. Crouched in the corner, Felicity could barely make out the shaking form of Barry. He looked awful. None of his scars had healed in the time that Caitlin and Diggle had been working on him, and while they had managed to get the bullet out, the wound on Barry's stomach was still bleeding heavily, and the needle and gauze used to stitch and cover the wound was hanging from it. He was clutching a scalpel and yielding it as a weapon, and his eyes were clenched shut, sweat beading on his forehead.

"What happened?" Oliver asked Caitlin.

"I-I was sewing his wound shut, a-and I asked Diggle to clean the rest of his cuts, when he woke up. He freaked out." Caitlin looked visibly shaken, and Felicity paled at the large blood stains on her white lab coat. Diggle spoke up.

"He started screaming and when I tried to calm him down," Diggle motioned to his rapidly blackening eye, "he gave me this." Felicity winced at the cut above his eye. _That's gonna hurt in the morning._

"He must've thought that we were Adams." Diggle glanced to the corner where Barry sat, rocking on his heels with his head buried in his arms. He lowered his voice, and turned back to the worried group. "Unless one of you can calm him down, we're gonna have to restrain him."

"What!"

"No way!"

"After what he's been through?!" Voices overlapped each other's protest, and Diggle quickly shushed them.

"I know that it's not the greatest idea, but he needs treatment. And last I checked, there are no sedatives that will work on him!" Iris and Joe were very opposed to this, but Oliver and Felicity understood.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Caitlin asked.

"No, but we're out of options. Barry needs medical attention." Diggle replied defeatedly, and he let loose a large sigh. "Poor kid." He whispered, glancing back to the broken forensic assistant. He had really underestimated the boy, back when he first met Barry in Starling City. He thought that he was just some nerdy scientist, who was in way over his head. _Man, was I wrong._ Even before Barry was struck by lightning, he had shown incredible bravery, and proved Diggle wrong. Oliver even owed him his life. _Barry doesn't deserve what's happened to him._

"Let me talk to him." Iris said. They all nodded, and stepped back. "Barry?" Iris asked gently, slowly approaching his crouched figure. Barry sat with his knees slightly against his chest, and his head buried inside his arms, which were still slick with blood. She could see him trembling, but he jumped at the sound of her voice and stilled. She continued with trepidation, very aware of the fine line bordering his present awareness. Basically, he was ticking time bomb, and Iris had to be very careful when she tried to disarm it. "Barry." Her voice came out a soft whisper, soothing and calm, and Barry lifted his head from his arms. Two blue eyes peeked out from his arms, albeit very hesitantly, and met with Iris's. Tears welled up in both pairs of eyes, and Iris choked back a sob. _Pull it together, Iris. Barry needs you._

"Hey, Barry." She whispered, edging closer to him. She looked to him, asking permission to sit, and by the brief nod he gave her, Iris sat down. "Hey, Barry, I need you to do me a favor." His blue orbs never left her face. "Do you think, maybe, you could let Caitlin and Dig take a look at you?" Iris asked pleadingly. His eyes widened and he started to back away from her. "It's okay, it's okay." Iris reassured him. She made the mistake of touching his arm, and he shot backwards into the wall. Panic in his eyes, Barry tried to stand, only to slip on the wet floor, wet from his blood. Iris caught him and everyone rushed forward, but he pushed away from them.

"No, no no no no..." Barry whispered, shaking his head back and forth.

"Back away, back!" Iris hissed at the group, and she made to approach Barry again. He raised his voice, to a sharp cry, and began mumbling other phrases, _"I'm sorry", "stop it", "don't hurt me"_. Each plea broke their hearts. He was trembling again, and hyperventilating. Diggle and Oliver stepped forward, and his cries turned to heart-wrenching sobs.

"No, don't!" Iris begged. "Please, I can talk to him!" They ignored her and continued to approach, though trying to be as gentle and calm as they could, while Felicity, very discreetly, set the table back up and flipped trays on their feet.

"Iris, we tried." Caitlin held her arm and led her away from Barry, who was being cornered by the two Starling residents. "Right now, he's a danger to himself, and everyone else." To prove her point, Barry lashed out with the scalpel, catching Oliver in the left arm.

"No! No!" He screamed as Dig and Oliver grabbed his arms. He struggled against them, pleading the whole way. "Stop! Leave me alone! S-stop it!" Barry collapsed, dragging Diggle with him. "Please, please!" He begged, his eyes clenched shut now. Tears leaked out his eyes, and everyone else's, as they stood him up and led him to the bed, albeit kicking and screaming.

"Oh, just stop it!" Iris screamed and collapsed into her father's arms. They were led away by a very shaken Cisco.

"Barry, calm down, calm down!" Caitlin said, once Oliver and Diggle had him seated on the bed. They flipped his legs onto it, so that his entire body was on top. He was still struggling and yelling, and thrashing against their hold.

"Let me go! No!" Barry screamed, every inch of his battered body trembling.

"Barry, Barry, shh." Caitlin tried to soothe him, running her fingers through his damp hair. He was burning up under her touch.

"Can you hold him down?!" Oliver shouted above Barry's screams, to Diggle.

"Yeah, I got him!" Oliver nodded and set to work restraining Barry. He wrestled each wrist into a padded cuff on the side of the bed, then let Diggle do his legs. It broke their hearts even more to see their young friend so helpless and broken. Barry abruptly stopped screaming and let his head and body fall back against the beds sheets and blankets.

"Barry?!" Oliver immediately jumped forward, but Caitlin pushed back gently.

"He's fine, he's just unconscious." Caitlin assured them. "He was breathing so hard, he made himself pass out." Oh.

"Well, thank God." Diggle breathed a sigh of relief. "Let's pray he doesn't wake up for a while." Oliver left the two doctors to finish their treatment and wait for the patient to heal. _He's not out of the woods yet, but for now, he's good._

* * *

 **Merry Xmas everyone! This chapter is my Christmas present to you, maybe your beautiful reviews could be mine and Starla's gift? ;) anyhow please review and let me know if your as heart broken as Barry is!**

 **PS: I started watching Arrow, and now I am obsessed. What have I done?!**


	6. Arctic Attack

**O. M. GOSH! YOU GUYS! YOUR REVIEWS WERE SO FABTABULOUS! HOLY SNIZ! THANK YOU SO MUCH! AHHHHHHHH! Seriously, thank you guys so much.**

 **Also, sorry if this chapter is a little weird, but Starla was all loopy on hospital drugs when she helped me write it, soooooooo, anyhow enjoy!**

 **DISCLAIMER: These characters and the show unfortunately do not belong to me. I'm just playing around with them.**

 **POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE END OF THIS CHAPTER. Please please do not continue to read if you are triggered by thoughts of suicide and other dark content.**

* * *

 _Blurred pain._

That's what Barry felt. Nothing around him was there, only him and a faint memory of agony. _What from? Why was I hurt? When was I hurt?_

 _Where am I? What's going on? Wha-_

There it was. The spike in his absent mindedness. His memory came back, if only for a brief moment. There was a sharp prick, a brief rift in his amnesia, so he had a reminder of why he was like this. A single name slipped into his thoughts.

"Lily." _Who was she? I did something to her, what?_

 _Nothing is working! This isn't right._

 _Why can't I...be? No, feel? Hear - no, not that. Why can't I move?_

The pain, it's brighter now, distinct. Growing, growing, growing, engulfing him. His smeared world was slowly coming into focus.

 _My name is Bart - no, Barry? Barry Allen. I'm the Streak!_

 _Wait, that's not right. No, Flash, its the Flash, I'm the Flash._

"Alright, that's a start." Barry thought to himself. _He thought, I can think, he's thinking-ooh, tenses are difficult, aren't they?_

 _I can think, I can feel_. What's that feeling, that emotion: it's confusion.

That's the only word to describe Barry's current existence. Just a murky, thin veil between life and _something? Afterlife? No - death._

Barry struggled to piece together coherent thoughts. Words floated in his mind, everything was floating. He was trapped, inside his own mind, his own body.

 _Yeah, that's what's going on. I must be unconscious. Or dead. But, I can feel, right?_

 ** _buh-bump._**

 _What's that noise? My heartbeat? So, I am alive! But, I'm trapped. All alone. Right?_

 ** _"Wrong."_**

 _No. Please, no_. The voice of his nightmares, whispered in his ear. It was clear now. Barry remembered.

 _Michael Adams, Lily, STAR Labs, the last few weeks_ , they all came rushing back, and charging forward to attack him. His memories, his own memories, were hurting him. _Traitors! Is that irony or karma?_

Hands were on his back, pushing his head into a bucket of ice cold water; memories, painful ones. He was tied down, strapped to a table. Knives, sharp, sliced him open. His arms were forced above his head, so he hung from a chain. A whip connected with his body, and he twisted in agony. _Again, again, again._

 _Every lash._

 ** _Another scream._**

 _Every cut._

 ** _Another scream._**

 _Every burn._

 ** _Another scream._**

The metal bit against his back.

 _Metal? Chains?_

 _What is that?_ In the corner of his mind, something clicked, made itself known, a nagging detail.

Barry began to feel, to hear again. He was out of the mazes of his mind, and inside his body. Back inside his corporeal form, Barry heard something. Someone. Voices, though distant, they were there. Something familiar about them, he knew them.

 _Caitlin?_ The soft tingling of her voice drifted into his cerebral thought, _yeah, definitely Caitlin. I'd recognize her voice anywhere._

Another matter drew his attention away from his doctor. An unfamiliar tightness in his chest made it hard for Barry to breath. There was something pressing against him, something intangible. A weakness, one that was making itself very, very known.

Cool metal, soft padding, _is that Velcro_? _More importantly, it's around my wrist_.

Barry pulled his arm towards his body. A force stopped him. He tried his legs; same thing.

"Oh, God." He prayed. "No, no, no, no, no." A sense of dread, of helplessness overwhelmed Barry. He was chained down, trapped and caged. Again. Barry shuddered and pulled harder, desperately trying to push away the thoughts, the memories, recent memories, of Adams. There he was again, tied to a chair, being beaten. Collapsed on the floor, with a chain around his ankle, Barry greedily drank the water in the bowl Adams left for him. It was happening all over again.

The bed cuffs dug sharply against his wrists and ankles as he pulled with all his might. Barry suddenly jerked his hand backwards in a desperate attempt to free himself, and a sickening pop came from the new crunch in his wrist. He screamed, and finally, his eyes shot open in panic, pain, fear.

"Barry!" It was Caitlin, _no it's Adams!_ Barry could still hear him, in his mind, tugging him back to that small, dank room.

"No!" Barry wailed, and thrust his chest and shoulder forward, pleased to feel the explosion of pain when it connected with a face, Adam's face, it must be. His eyes clenched tight against the brightness of the room, but he ignored the pain to look around.

It was quiet - no, it wasn't. Caitlin and Diggle and Felicity were racing around the room, and machines were blaring, but Barry couldn't hear any of it. Just the sadistic laugh of Michael Adams. A name that would surely haunt him for the rest of his - hopefully short - life.

Then, the muted sounds around him ceased, a steady beep made itself aware, and a blinding light was being shoved in his face.

"Barry, can you hear me?" Caitlin asked, carefully pulling Barry's eyelids up to examine his pupils with her light. Still blissfully unaware of pretty much anything, Barry pushed himself up to sit on the bed, his legs dangling over the edge. Caitlin rested her hand on his shoulder and he tensed at the contact. "Pupils dilated, pulse 200 over 80, showing rapid dege-"

Barry shoved Caitlin away forcefully, causing her to stumble and fall to the ground. A sharp cry emanated from her as she landed harshly on the ground. Felicity immediately rushed to help her up, and Diggle froze as he watched Barry struggle to stand. He, apparently, did not remember their previous encounter, in which Barry had given Dig a very painful, black eye. _The kid packed a punch_. Barry leaned against the bed, exhausted, but determined to figure out what was going on. Caitlin stood, and called for the team. Iris, Oliver and Cisco appeared, whereas Eddie had left to get coffee, and Joe stepped outside to call Captain Singh and let him know they had found Barry.

"What's going on?" Iris asked.

 _"Iris?"_ Barry thought to himself. He remembered the last few weeks, remembered the hell he had been in, remembered being alone. So, the question was, _why is she here? She doesn't care, does she?_

Barry sagged in exhaustion, and sank to his knees, throwing his head into hands, _so confused._ Caitlin quietly explained what happened to everyone, and Cisco immediately approached her, looking concerned, and checked her over, made sure she was okay. Barry softly whimpered into the palms of his hands, shaking and trembling. He moved his hands to clutch his head, shaking it back and forth.

"He's inside my head." Barry whispered, his voice too low to be heard by anyone. _He's twisting my mind, oh man, I'm losing it._

"Barry?" It was Oliver this time. "Hey, do you remember what happened?" Anger coursed through Barry, _of course I remember! Being held against my will and tortured for weeks on end isn't something you just forget!_

"I remember-" Barry started slowly, testing his voice, trying to keep it level and keep the anger out of his voice. It didn't work.

"I remember being alone." He lifted his head to glare accusingly at them. "I remember thinking I was going to die, begging for it! I remember wondering why I hadn't been saved yet - why my family had abandoned me?!" The sting of betrayal spoke in his raised voice, and his eyes shone with a foreign emotion: hatred. He looked at them, his _"family"_ , his _"friends",_ and he hated them. Still crouched on the floor, Barry shook with rage.

"Barry," Cisco said, sorrow in his voice, "we are so sorry!"

"We tried, Barry, we did!" Caitlin spoke, and everyone nodded their heads eagerly. "We looked everywhere for you!" Felicity opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by a harsh hiss.

"You're telling me," Barry said with angry trepidation, "that a group of super geniuses couldn't find one man?! Seriously?! I've seen you guys track down armed gunmen in sixty seconds, yet it took you two weeks to find me?!" Barry was yelling now, shaking, not from physique, but from rage. They were all shocked at his outburst. Barry had always been very forgiving; it wasn't like him to hold a grudge. Though the current situation made his anger understandable. Cisco spoke desperately.

"I'm sorry, it's just that Dr. Wells couldn't track the signal cuz of the unusual bandwidth Adams was using, and the frequency was-"

"NO!" Barry slammed his fist on a tray, and it crumpled under his force. A large dent, crater more accurately, was in the metal tray when Barry pulled his hand back. Everyone's eyes widened at the sight. "No, I'll tell you the real reason you guys couldn't find me. You didn't want to."

"Barr-" Iris started.

"You didn't try!" Barry yelled, his voice breaking, unshed tears glistening in his eyes. "You gave up on me! You betrayed me!" Oliver stepped forward and approached Barry.

"Barry, that isn't true. We all tried to find you, I swear we did." The look Barry gave him was one of pure loathing. It was unnerving to be seen on the scientist's face.

"And you-" Barry spat, disgust in his voice. He almost sounded like Adams. "Oliver Queen. The Arrow." Barry stepped closer and leaned forward, his face inches from Oliver's. "You were wrong." He whispered. "I'm not a hero, but then, neither are you." Barry growled.

"I never said I was." Oliver whispered. "Barry, we tried to save you. We were just too late."

Barry turned around and in anger, slammed his hand against the bed.

"Ah!" He gasped in pain and Cisco rushed forward to help, as did Oliver.

"No, stay back!" Barry yelled, but they ignored him. "Stay away from me!" He screamed and threw the scalpel he still had at them, just narrowly missing Felicity's head by the door, where the small knife now lay buried in the wood. Diggle and Cisco jumped forward to control Barry and stop him from hurting someone. They grabbed his arms and suddenly, chaos erupted. Barry was screaming and sobbing, Iris yelling to let him go, Joe chose that exact moment to come back; it was madness. Barry struggled in their vice grip and screamed an onslaught of obscenities, most unintelligible.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO! NO!" Barry howled in anguish and then suddenly- _smack!_

Silence.

Oliver's hand stung from where he had hit Barry, but it did the job, he had stopped screaming. Everyone was silent, the room tense.

And the next thing they knew, Oliver was on the ground, his nose broken and heavily bleeding. Barry stood above him, anger and hatred glaring from his eyes. And then he was beating the hooded vigilante. Blow after blow, Barry rained punches down on Oliver, faster than the eye could see. A hysterical fury was in his eyes, wild and dangerous. Barry was an animal and the most Oliver could do was pull his arms over his head to protect himself. Barry clawed at him, punched, kicked, attacked Oliver like an animal. Diggle jumped forward to stop and was thrown backwards against the wall. Discord erupted again and Joe jumped into the fray, as did Cisco, Caitlin, and Felicity. Each of them was violently blown backwards by the hurricane that was Barry, and were unable to stop Barry. The horror was evident in their eyes. This wasn't Barry, not their best friend. He would never hurt them. Yet, here he was, beating Oliver Queen senseless. A fire grew in his eyes.

"Stop!" Felicity screamed, and Barry paused in his onslaught, because the utter desperation and fear in her voice shocked him. This gave Diggle a chance to tackle Barry and Oliver spluttered back to life, coughing and bleeding and curling into himself. Barry pushed himself up off the floor and ran, zooming out of the facility in a burst of adrenaline. Guess his speed was back. The people in the room were left shocked and heartbroken, one of them bleeding and bruised, all of them desperately missing their friend.

"What have we done?" Iris asked miserably.

* * *

Barry ran.

Faster and harder than ever. This time though, he was running from something. _Someone. Well, someone'_ _ **s**_ _._

 _I hurt Oliver. I attacked my friend, and I did it of my own free will. I chose to hurt him. I'm a monster, no better than Adams._

Barry ran until his legs gave out. He landed in a heap, sprawled out on the ground. He found himself in a forest, eerie trees lurking tall above him, shadows dancing around him. _Creepy_. He lay gasping for air on the dirt ground. Guilt and shame eating him alive. Self-hatred creeping into his heart.

"What have I done?" Barry asked aloud. He choked back a sob. Only when he let his face fall into his hands did he feel the physical pain. Barry looked down at his hands, saw the blood covering them. Oliver's blood. His knuckles were slashed open, bleeding heavily and with every flexing muscle, a sharp twinge if pain came from his broken hands.

 ** _Broken hands_**. _I_ _ **broke**_ _my own hands, hurting my friend,_ _ **my friend!**_ _What is wrong with me?!_

He had been blind, couldn't see past the wrongs they did to him, the weeks of torture. Barry gagged, repulsed by his actions. He sat on his knees, resting on his heels, and with an angry cry, he slammed his fists down onto the ground, and lay bowed, sobbing into the night.

Hours passed, and he finally stirred when the sun came up. But in the light of day, his actions the night before seemed so much worse and Barry hated himself even more. _What am I gonna do?_

 ** _End it._**

The voices were back, the ones that said he was wrong, that he should die. He had only been free of them for barely a day, and already they were attacking him, tearing him down. They sounded, unsurprisingly, like Adams. They taunted Barry, forced him to think awful things. _That he should die, that he's a monster, that he needs to be punished._

Only now, Barry believed him.

 _Why shouldn't I die? I'm worthless, a monster. I attacked my friend, nearly killed him. And I've killed before. I'm a murderer, a monster;_ _ **I killed Lily**_ _. I couldn't save her, or my mom. My dad is still sitting in jail, wrongfully convicted, because I couldn't catch the Reverse-Flash. I'm a failure, a mistake. I need to be stopped, before I hurt someone else._

So, Barry stood and began walking, to nowhere in particular, but with one goal in mind: _to die._

* * *

 **OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH CLIFFY! poor Barry. Starla and I thank you for your support. Hope you liked the chapter! (WONDER WHAT'S IN STORE FOR BARRY NEXT?) ;) Your reviews make me so happy, you don't even know! I'm always smiling whenever I read one of them, so thank you sooooo much! They mean a lot to me, and have really helped me get through the holidays, not to mention the dreaded finals... so anyway, please do still review, tell me what you thought about this chapter, or any suggestions you might have? I love you guys, :)**


	7. Winter Fall

**What's this? A new update? Huzzah! I did it! Sorry it took me sooooooo long, but I've been busy.**

 **Back to this fanfic, please enjoy, and leave a review lemme know whatcha think about this chapter, Starla's doing great! *sidenote* i am now obsessed with imogen heaps song hide and seek, random facts about my life So, yeah, that's what's been going on... Now, what's up with Barry, huh?**

 **DISCLAIMER: These characters and the show unfortunately do not belong to me. I'm just playing around with them.**

 **SERIOUS TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER. Do not continue reading if you triggered by suicidal thoughts and possible attempts, I'm trying not to spoil that much, but this next chapter is very dark, so if that is hard for you to read then please DO NOT READ IT.**

* * *

"Oliver?"

"Hey, Oliver, come on, wake up."

"Ollie!"

The archer sprang forward, blinking against the harsh bright light, and pulled back down just as quickly. Once the pain subsided, he looked around. Felicity and Diggle were standing in front of him, where he lay on the hospital bed Dr. Caitlin set up for him. An IV lay buried in his arm, and he could feel the bruises on his ribs and the stitched above his eye.

"How long was I out?" He asked, painfully sitting himself up on the bed, much to the chagrin of Felicity and Caitlin. Diggle and Caitlin exchanged glances, but it was Felicity who answered.

"About ten hours, well, more like eight and a half, but I rounded." Oliver's eyes widened in surprise and he began pushing himself off the bed. Caitlin and Dig tried to get him to stay down, but he ignored them.

"Oliver!" Caitlin exclaimed. "You were unconscious for nearly ten hours! You have three cracked ribs, four are bruised, your ankle is swollen, and you probably have a major concussion."

"Yeah," Felicity started, "Barry beat the crap out of..."

She trailed off at the end and everyone stood awkwardly in the tense silence.

"Where is he?" Oliver asked walking to a table with some clothes, where he immediately slipped on a STAR Labs sweatshirt. His equipment, and spare clothing were back at Joe's, whereas he had taken his suit and bow with him, which were now currently being cleaned and most likely, tampered with by a one Cisco Ramon.

"Dr. Wells is tracking him now." Caitlin responded. "We should have a location within the hour." Oliver nodded, and against Caitlin's wishes, suited up.

They waited. _Very impatiently_. Joe, Eddie, Oliver, Diggle, and Iris sat in thick silence, packed and ready to move at a moment's notice. Caitlin, Felicity, Cisco, and Dr. Wells would stay behind to coordinate Barry's return.

"Got him!" Cisco shouted, causing everyone to jump.

"Where?" Joe immediately demanded. Oliver and Eddie stood, while Dig grabbed their equipment.

"I - well, Felicity - hacked into the city's network, and spotted him speeding away from STAR Labs, heading east about an hour ago. Traffic cams caught him leaving the city in that direction, and other than waste land, the only thing out there is the warehouse Adams held him in. He's going there." Cisco said.

"He's already there." Felicity interjected. "I hacked one of the old security cameras surrounding the warehouses, look." She pulled up a live feed of the outside of the warehouses. Barry could be seen slowly shuffling across the gravel ground, towards the edge of the quarry. A large crater made up the quarry, traveling downwards, to where previous entrepreneurs mined the area so deep, for miles down, towards the center of the Earth.

 _What is he doing?_ Oliver thought as Barry walked out of view of the camera.

"Felicity, are there any other angles of the camera so we can see Barry?" He asked, straightening up. Felicity shook her head.

"Sadly, the security that they used is some ancient, unbelievably slow, system. There is literally only one camera, and it's in black-and-white." Felicity said, before shuddering deeply. "It hurts me, in my soul."

Cisco stifled a laugh, and even usually-stoic Oliver smiled softly.

"Alright, let's get going." Joe said, breaking the gentle silence that had fallen over the group. That stirred everyone into action, and as Diggle helped Oliver and Joe take the supplies to their van, Felicity sat at the computer to set up a fast route for them to take.

"Let's go!" Eddie said, and the group left the facility, immediately jumping into the STAR Labs van, or in Oliver's case, his motorcycle. Ten minutes later, they were parking next to the abandoned warehouses, and jumping out of the vehicles.

"Iris, stay here." Joe ordered. She began to protest, but at the hard look he gave her, she shut her mouth. She leaned against the van and crossed her arms. Rolling his eyes, Joe walked away and lead the other men away from the cars.

"Barry!" Joe shouted. His voice echoed across the large, empty quarry. "Barry!"

"Joe!" Oliver hissed. He turned to glare at the archer, only to see him pointing to something behind his shoulder. The large quarry was surrounded by dense forest, and Joe turned to see tall, dark trees looming over him.

"What is it?" Eddie asked. Oliver motioned towards a large tree at the outskirts of the forest. They all approached slowly, gently crunching the gravel and leaved beneath their feet.

Suddenly, a twig snapped, and a lanky shape behind the tree lurched forward. The sun was beginning to set, and the forest gave off lumbering shadows, encircling the forest in darkness. The figure stood with his back turned slightly towards them, and he could be seen visibly shaking.

"Barry?" Joe asked tentatively. He moved closer to the tree, tensing slightly as Barry stepped further away from him. "Hey, bud it's okay." He said calmly. "Why don't you come out from there? Barry?"

Barry was turned towards him now, and Joe could barely make out in the dim lighting, his haunted eyes staring back at him. Light played across his features in the sunset, and hollow eyes blinked slowly. He clenched his jaws, pulling tightly across his gaunt cheeks, and swallowed. Joe could see the weight of everything lying on Barry's shoulders, burdening him with its load. _My son doesn't deserve this._

Barry blinked. Joe blinked. Then, Barry turned and ran deeper into the forest.

"Barry, no!"

* * *

Barry had been walking for hours now, stumbling through forest and grassland on the outskirts of Central City, since the sun rose. It was getting later, the sun was finally beginning to set, when Barry fell, exhausted, to the forest floor. His sweatpants were filthy, covered in dirt, and he was shirtless, having sped out of STAR Labs in such a frenzy that he forgot to grab one. Not that it mattered. Nothing mattered anymore. Everything was over. Over for Barry.

 _No more Barry, no more Flash. I'm not Oliver, I can't come back from this. I just can't._

Barry stumbled aimlessly through the forest, tripping over roots, his body exhausted from stress and over-exertion. The last time he had run, really run, had taken too much strength from him. He didn't have enough energy, and couldn't feel the Speed Force in him. It was still gone, thanks to Adams. Whatever he had injected Barry with still hadn't cycled out of Barry's body, leaving him utterly speedless.

It didn't matter though, he had nowhere to go. Barry continued walking, until he spotted something in the distance. Too far away to tell what it was, Barry walked faster, until it finally came into full view. The warehouse where Barry was kept prisoner for three weeks lay surrounded by forest, two other warehouses on each side, as well as a large canyon behind it, where miners worked years before.

 _Of course._ Whether it was fate, destiny, or intuition that led him here, Barry knew as soon as he saw the building. _This is where I have to end. Here, where it began. Is that irony or just fate?_

Barry staggered towards the warehouse and entered. He wandered around the empty building for a good ten minutes before he heard something. A soft rumble, slowly gaining volume.

Something was approaching, _a car?_

Then, the distinct roar of Oliver's motorcycle blasted through the air, and Barry jumped. Shuddering, he peeked out the door and searched the clearing. Two vehicles were approaching, Barry could see them getting closer, still too far away to see Barry dash towards the woods next to the warehouse. He hid behind a tree just as the engines shut off and the sound of multiple car doors slamming shut could be heard.

"Barry!" Someone shouted his name twice. _Joe._ Someone was whispering sharply, more voices, _they can't see me, can they?_

"Barry?" It was Joe, his voice getting closer. Barry turned to face him, unable to suppress the violent tremors wracking his body. He made eye contact with his foster dad, intaking a sharp gasp of breath when he looked at him, and stepped back after Joe took a tentative step forward. "Hey bud," Joe whispered calmly, "Why don't you come out from there?" Joe took another step forward. Barry tensed, and looked away again.

 _Is he mad? I hurt Oliver, I'm a monster, shouldn't he hate me? Doesn't he?_

"Barry?" He looked up again and stared into Joe's eyes.

 _He doesn't love me, he wants to take me back-back to Adams, back to that room, He's only calm right now-once he remembers what I did to Oliver, to Lily, he'll turn on me. He'll remember, oh-god, he knows-he's waiting, probably working with Adams to take me back-not back there, I won't go!_

So, Barry turned and ran.

"Barry, no!" Joe shouted after him, but Barry continued running. He sprinted through the forest, anywhere to get away from them. Thunderous footsteps were following him, a stampede, a mob of angry people who hated him. They shouted his name, screamed to stop, but Barry _ran, ran, ran._

"Woah!" Barry stumbled into a clearing, right on the edge of a cliff, a cliff that led down the mountain of rock that made up the canyon's sides. He sped to a stop, inches from the edge, barely balanced to keep himself from falling. He turned around and almost sprinted forward, but Joe, Eddie, Oliver, Diggle, and Iris lurched into the clearing, surrounding Barry on all sides. _Trapped, again._ They looked around confused, but soon their attention was on Barry. Joe stepped forward. Barry's eyes widened in panic.

"N-no, stay back! Stay away!" Barry shouted. Joe held his arms up in surrender.

"Easy, Barry. Calm down, son. Nobody's gonna hurt you." Joe assured him. Barry shook his head.

"That's not true, its n-not. I-I attacked Oliver!" Barry glanced behind him at the mountain side below him. It was a long, long fall down. "I'm a m-monster!" Barry shouted, tears streaming down his cheeks. He took a slight step backwards. Everybody's eyes widened in alarm.

"Barry don't!" Iris begged.

"Don't do this." Oliver said, stepping closer. "It's okay, I don't blame you. You were upset, and I was wrong, just please, Barry. Step away from the edge." Oliver was less than a foot away now, his arm outstretched to Barry, eyes urging - begging him to take his hand. Barry just shook his head brokenly. He was lost, so lost, so confused and different. _This isn't who I am, since when have I become this? I don't know what I am._

 ** _Yes, I do. I'm a monster, a freak, a villain. I'm not a hero, I'm nothing, I deserve to die._**

"I can't. I can't." Barry sobbed stepping closer to the edge, his heels barely hanging over the edge.

"Barry." Iris cried in unison with Eddie. Joe was scared, so scared, for his son. _For my son._

"I'm sorry." Barry whispered brokenly. He looked up at Oliver, wishing he could be like him. "I'm not you. I can't do this, I c-can't come back from this, I'm n-not this-this hero you all want me to be! I'm nothing." He leaned backwards slightly.

"Barry don't!" Iris screamed. He stopped tilting just barely. "Please! Barry, I know we can get through this, together! Please, you're my best friend, I-I can't lose you. Don't leave me." Iris begged, her cheeks wet and her lip trembling.

"Son-" Joe started.

"You're not my dad!" Barry yelled, bringing his hands up to clutch his head. "You don't love me! You **don't** know me! You never have."

"Of course, I love you!" Joe cried. "Barry, please, you are my son, and I need you."

"We all need you." Dig interjected. Everyone nodded.

"This city needs you." Oliver finished. He lifted his hand towards Barry once more. "You **are** a hero. We will get through this." He stated confidently.

Barry was overwhelmed, to say the least. His entire world was flipped, nothing seemed real anymore. These voices in his head were _controlling him, he couldn't stop, they wouldn't shut up. Won't be quiet, keep screaming in his mind, shut up, shut up, shut up,_

"Shut up!" Barry screamed frantically running his fingers through his hair. "I'm not strong enough!" Barry shouted at them, tried to make them understand. "Don't you get it? I can't! I'm too weak! I can't, I just can't, I can't." Barry repeated it over again, some aloud, some through his head but the voices- _the voices won't be quiet! They won't stop, just won't stop screaming! There's only one way to silence them._

"I'm sorry." Barry whispered. He leaned backwards, took that final step behind him.

"No!" Joe screamed.

"Barry!" Iris shrieked.

Suddenly, a hand was grabbing Barry's shoulder, pulling him forward. Barry was back in the edge, clutching tightly to Oliver's shirt, breathing heavily. His mind cleared slightly, and deep down, he was grateful that Oliver stopped him. Barry sobbed into Oliver's shirt, violent tremors shaking his whole body. The clearing was silent, everyone breathing a sigh of relief. _He's okay, Barry's okay._

"It's over." Oliver said calmly.

Barry's foot slipped.

And suddenly, he was tumbling over the edge again.

He grabbed desperately to Oliver's front, but only pulled the archer forward. Iris and Joe's screams echoed in Barry's mind as both he and Oliver disappeared over the edge, brutally tumbling down the cliffside. Barry's head smashed against a rock and his world was enveloped in darkness.

* * *

 **Ta-da! Hope you liked it, and oh look at that! Its a cliff-hanger! Get it? get it?(i've been awake for 36 hours, dont judge me) hahahahhahahaha, im so funny(pathetic) anyways so sorry i haven't updated in a while, but today seemed like a good day to do it. I literally just got back from watching the new Star Wars movie, the Force Awakens, and I'm literally dying inside. i won't put any spoilers up, but once I'm done posting this, imma go curl up in a ball and cry till my heart stops.**

 **Check out my YouTube channel cuz now seems as good a time as any to blatantly self-advertise like a cheapo. Haha, I need subscribers.**

 **channel name : fezzesarecool1234**


	8. Bitter Rescue

**What? WH-WHAT?! AN UPDATE?! FINALLY?! Am I right? I'm so, so, so, so sorry to everyone for this taking so long, but the reviews stopped and I got scared that you stopped reading this, and Starla had a slight relapse, but she's good don't worry. :D**

 **Anyways, this fanfic will be wrapping up soon, probably only two or three more chapters till the end! Not quite done yet with torturing Barry, so just you wait! I want to thank you guys so much for your wonderful reviews and love. So, thanks, and I'm sorry I've been awful and not updated. I love you guys so much, you have no idea! You guys help me keep going. Now, will Barry be able to keep going? Enjoy and please review! :)**

 **DISCLAIMER: These characters and the show unfortunately do not belong to me. I'm just playing around with them.**

* * *

Falling, falling, falling.

Tumbling down the jagged mountain, rocks and trees hitting them on the way down. Oliver held on tightly to Barry, yelling and grasping at his arms to try and slow their descent. They were sliding - tumbling - down the cliff. Rocks, branches, and tree roots cut into Oliver's back as he clutched desperately to Barry's shirt, every bounce of their bodies sending the other flying further. A sharp cry came from Barry, before it was cut short.

"Barry!" Oliver shouted. His body slammed into a sharp rock, the air in his lungs quickly whooshing out. He struggled to breathe, everything flying past his vision. Barry rolled limply down the mountain next to Oliver, who twisted sharply at every bounce from the vertical ground. In the midst of falling, Oliver whipped out his small dagger, and after grasping Barry's arm tightly, he rolled onto his belly and slammed the knife into the mountain. They instantly stopped, and Oliver's arm gripping the knife was yanked upward in a painful pop. He dangled from the knife with one arm, the other wrapped firmly around Barry's wrist. He was certain that he had dislocated Barry's wrist when he stuck the knife into the mountain, but it was better than falling to their death. Straining to hold himself and Barry up, Oliver glanced up to are how far down they had fallen. They had tumbled a good three hundred feet from the top, and looking down, Oliver could see the bottom of the quarry another four hundred feet below.

 _Where is it? Where'd I drop it?_ Oliver searched the cliffside for his bow. He had dropped it over the edge when he and Barry fell, _hadn't he?_

Oliver spotted it about twenty feet below him, on a small ridge that ran across the side of mountain. Oliver grunted, and pulled his arm holding Barry up, so he could wrap it around Barry's chest. Then, he pulled the knife out of the cliffside, and they were plummeting down once again. Once they were close enough, Oliver slammed the blade back into the hard rock and dropped down onto the small ridge with Barry. Barry's lifeless body dropped onto the hard rock, and Oliver grabbed him and tightly pulled him to his chest, away from the edge. The ridge was small and narrow, but had just enough, room for the two of them.

"Barry, hey, come on, Barry wake up." Oliver gently shook Barry to wake him. "Barry." He slipped his hand behind Barry's head to lift it up slightly, but something slick and wet slid down his fingers. The archer pulled his hand away to find dark red blood covering it. He gasped and tilted Barry's head to the side. Oliver could see a large gash on the back of Barry's head, bleeding heavily. "Barry?" He whispered, worry thick in his voice. The billionaire ripped off the sleeve of his undershirt, not his leather archer outfit, and gently pressed it to the back of Barry's head. He cushioned the wound and set his head down on the rock. Grabbing his bow and carefully standing up, Oliver cupped his hand over his mouth and shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Joe! Dig!" His deep voice echoed around the quarry and Oliver strained to hear something, anything. No response. He shouted louder. Nothing.

"Oliver!" Diggle's voice echoed down to the billionaire, quiet and distant. Joe shouted down to him.

"Oliv... where's... arry?" His voice faded away from the distance, and Oliver was distracted by a quiet moaning behind him. Barry blinked several times and strained to lift his head.

"Barry, it's ok, stay down." Oliver rushed to his side and gently helped him lay back down. His eyes were full of pain, but the confusion was written plainly across his face. There was little recognition in his eyes at the sight of Oliver.

"Wh-whas going on?" Barry slurred his words.

"You're okay, Barry, everything's gonna fine." Oliver said calmly, trying to help Barry lay back down. Barry's eyes widened in panic and he ripped himself away from Oliver. He backed away and shook his head, wincing slightly at the jarring action. What he said next made Oliver's blood run cold.

"Wh-who a-ar you?" Barry whispered. Oliver's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Before he could continue, Barry slumped back down to the ground, unconscious. Another quiet shout of his name and Oliver was looking up to where Joe and Diggle's heads could barely be seen over the edge.

"Oli...we'r...drop a...ope...to yo...!" Dig's voice faded in and out of Oliver's hearing. He cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted up to them.

"What?!"

"We're going to lower a rope to you!" Joe answered, his worried voice reverberating in the air. A long, thick rope was slowly lowered down to him. He grabbed it, and after pulling Barry to his chest, he wrapped the rope around both he and Barry's chests, a small hoop resting snugly under his and Barry's armpits. Oliver gave the rope a large tug, and they were slowly lifted up. It was excruciatingly slow and uncomfortable for the archer, and the added weight of Barry, albeit small added weight, made the trip upwards strenuous. As they neared the top, Oliver could hear multiple frantic voices shouting.

"Pull!" Eddie shouted and the rope gave another lurch upwards as the people above heaved with all their might. Another enormous tug, and Oliver was reaching his hand to clutch the hard rock edge of the cliff. Two hands gripped his and pulled, and they were back on the edge.

"Oliver!" Diggle appeared in his line of vision, but Iris immediately replaced him.

"Barry! Is he okay?!" Oliver lifted Barry off his chest and gently set him down.

"He hit his head." Oliver said. Joe's eyes widened at this. "He was conscious for a few minutes-"

"He was?!"

"What did he say?"

"Was he okay?" Oliver held his hand up to silence them.

"He didn't know who I was." They opened their mouths to speak, but their jaws were left hanging open.

"W-what do you mean?" Iris asked, a slight tremble in her voice.

"I don't know. He woke up, asked who I was, then passed out. He hit his head pretty hard, Iris." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm sure he'll be fine." Iris nodded and after wrapping Barry's head with gauze, Joe picked Barry up in his arms, and they began the trek back to the warehouse. Joe held Barry in his arms with ease, not even struggling with his son. He could see Barry's ribs clinging to his black and blue skin. _God, he's lost so much weight_. It was easy for Joe to carry him.

Ten minutes later, Joe was rushing Barry to the STAR Labs van, where Cisco had had a detachable gurney fitted in the back. Joe set Barry down and Iris climbed in after him. After Eddie and Dig sat in the front and Oliver jumped on his motorcycle, they drove to STAR Labs. Caitlin and Cisco met them at the front with another gurney and whisked Barry away for more surgery, and Oliver was ushered away to get his wounds checked out by Felicity. Once Felicity had set his sore shoulder into a sling, Oliver rushed to the room Cisco was setting up for Barry. He looked around, the scarlet speedster nowhere in sight.

"He's still with Caitlin." Cisco said. Oliver sighed slightly and sat down on a chair in the corner of the room. Another half an hour passed, and Caitlin was wheeling Barry into the room, with the help of Diggle and Felicity. Oliver sprang from his seat and Cisco immediately rushed over to help them lift Barry onto the bed. It only took the three men to do it, despite his shoulder sling, and it would have been easier to lift him, if not for all of the wires and casts attached to Barry. Once he was situated, Oliver turned to talk to Caitlin.

"What happened?"

"Well," Caitlin began, "I didn't get to give Barry a proper diagnosis the first time around, so from what I can tell, the open cuts on his body have all healed, including the gunshot wound. However, even with his increased metabolism, some of the worse injuries, namely, the ones on his back from the whip, will never fully heal. He's going to have quite a few scars, almost as many as you, Oliver. The ice burns healed a lot faster, surprisingly, and he had nearly twelve broken ribs, which I already set before he took off. He cracked a couple more when he fell off the cliff, his wrist was dislocated, and his back is a mess from sliding down that hard rock on his back. I had to dig out a few branches and rocks imbedded under his skin. Finally, I bandaged the cut on his head, he should be fine, but he will definitely have a major concussion, the blood loss was large, I had to do a couple of transfusions, and as for the amnesia, we won't know for certain what he'll remember until he wakes up."

"Which will be when exactly?" Dig asked. Caitlin frowned and shrugged her shoulders.

"I honestly don't know. I'm just grateful he didn't wake up while I was working on him. He might've freaked out again, and there are no sedatives or anesthetics that work on him. This could've been a disaster."

"So, what now?" Felicity asked. Oliver shook his head, and knew what was next, at least for them. He cleared his throat and spoke.

"It's time for us to go back to Starling." Felicity's eyes widened and she immediately began to protest, while Diggle just shook his head sorrowfully. He knew Oliver was right, they had been away from Starling for too long, but he wasn't ready to leave Barry yet either. Dig stood up and left to go pack. Felicity continued to argue with Oliver, she was relentless.

"Fine, fine!" Oliver caved. "You can stay for a little longer, but we'll need you back in Starling soon, alright?" Felicity thanked him and left to help Diggle pack. Caitlin and Cisco both left too, and it was just Oliver and Barry in the room, Barry lying lifeless on the bed. The steady beep of the machine next to Barry grew incessant, and Oliver had to sit down to calm the sudden dizziness overtaking him. He pulled his chair up next to Barry's bed, and held his limp hand. It was cold and thin, refusing to even so much ad twitch to show that Barry was still alive. Nothing, no reaction.

"Barry." Oliver whispered, his voice cracking slightly at the end. "Please, you need to get better. Be okay. We all need you." He squeezed his hand and waited for a response, a slight twitch, a gentle squeeze back, anything, but nothing came. Oliver sighed and stood up. He gave one last sorrowful look at his friend, silently begging him to be okay, before he turned around and left.

* * *

Barry woke up seven hours later, extremely confused and disoriented. He made no more attempts to run, instead resigning himself to the fact that he could never escape. Slowly, Joe and Iris and Caitlin and Cisco chipped away at the walls he'd built up, enough to get him to somewhat trust them. He spent a week recovering before he was even allowed out of bed. His frequent fits of panic and terror were occurring less and less often. He was getting better.

Since Caitlin refused to let him go home yet, he slept in the hospital bed she set up, while Joe spent most nights in the back-breaking chair next to it, to be there for his son and calm him down whenever he woke up screaming in the middle of the night. One night, Barry woke to find no Joe. Iris had made him sleep in a real bed for the first time in a week that night. Barry sat up on the bed, panting and clutching the sheets desperately, a strangled sob flying from his mouth.

"J-Joe?" Barry asked, momentarily forgetting where his foster dad was. The room was dark and silent, the only sounds that could be heard were Barry's sobs in the night. He drew his legs to his chest and laid his head on his knees, tears streaming down his face from his nightmare. It was different every time. Sometimes it was just Adams, beating Barry, torturing him. Other nights, Barry dreamt that his friends were the ones hurting him. Iris would cut into him, Cisco would kick him, Joe would burn his flesh off, all the while taunting him, about how they never loved him, they hated him, wanted to kill him. It was awful.

"Barry?" It was Cisco. Barry's head shot up from his knees and he flinched at the sudden disturbance.

"H-hey Cisco." Barry replied shakily. He tried to calm himself down, but failed. Cisco turned a small lamp on and pulled the chair next to the bed. "What are you doing here?" Barry asked. Normally, Caitlin or Dr. Wells, or even Felicity would stay at STAR Labs overnight. Tonight, Cisco had volunteered.

"I wanted to stay and make sure you were ok you know, since Joe's not here tonight." Cisco said, yawning.

"Oh, y-yeah." Barry said. He looked down at his knees.

"Bad dream?" Cisco asked. Barry nodded. "I used to get them, back when Snart kidnapped my brother and me. It was just, overwhelming fear. It gets better, you know?" Cisco said. Barry looked up and hastily swiped the teats springing to his eyes.

"It does?" Cisco sighed and smiled wearily at him.

"Of course it does, Barry. But, you need to let us in, so we can help you." Barry laid back on his bed. Cisco reached his hand over to grip Barry's. "Let us help you Barry. Otherwise, it will never get better." Barry smiled and squeezed his hand, nodding.

"Thanks Cisco." Cisco leaned backward in his chair, while Barry tried to relax more. They sat in comfortable silence, content with each other's company.

"Hey, Barry?" Cisco asked. Barry peeked one eye open to glance at his friend.

"Yeah, Cisco?" He asked, reaching for his hand again.

"I'm really glad you're alive." Barry smiled to himself.

"Me too, Cisco."

* * *

 **YAY! Mentally stable Barry! For now... *evil smirk* Anyways, i will definitely try to update soon, and I can say that the next chapter will be gooooood. I've got a great idea. Thanks, guest, for the amnesia idea, i know it wasn't a big story arc, but I thought I'd add it to make you happy. Hope you enjoyed it!**

 **Again, thank you, my loyal followers and reviewers, for your support with this story.**

 **as always, Starla says hi and that she loves you soooooooooooo frekin much, you guuuuuuuwys :) And don't forget to leave a review and let me know whatcha think :) Or any suggestions you may have. I LOVE YOU GUYS :P XoXo**


	9. Revenge Served Cold?

**OK you guys, I updated! I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY SORRY I TOOK SOOOOOOOOOO LONG! You all stopped reviewing and i got sad, but it took me a while to finish this chapter, because it's almost the last. Literally, there's only one more left, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. i'm sorry that it's time for this fanfic to come to an end, but all great things must end, right? haha.**

 **anyways, thanks, im sorry, and please, please, please review so that i can post the final chapter soon. :( i love you all!**

 **DISCLAIMER: These characters and the show unfortunately do not belong to me. I'm just playing around with them.**

* * *

"Thanks, Jeff. And in other news, the almost five-week absence of Central City's vigilante, the Flash, has finally come to an end."

"That's right, Linda. He has been sighted on several occasions this week, and authorities who operate with him have confirmed he is, in fact, alive."

"I don't know what we'd do without him, John. Honestly, this man is such a blessing, he's saved so many lives, and has proven himself a hero over and over again. This city owes its livelihood and humanity to him. So, thank you, Flash, from all of us here at Picture News, and I believe I speak for everyone in Central City, when I say we are so grateful that you are okay and back to helping this city."

"Just to confirm, after nearly five weeks of being gone, the Flash is back and most certainly, alive. Thank you, everyone, I'm John McKormin and this is Central City Picture News. Back to you, Jef-"

The television burst from the impact of a speeding bullet slamming directly into the newscaster's forehead. The man lowered the gun shakily, and set it down. He shook with rage and let out an angry yell and after a long string of expletives, he sat down on a chair. His eyes glared aimlessly in front of him, burning a hole into the TV. He let out a pensive breath, and slammed his fist down. A sharp blast of ice jumped from his curled fist and spread over the surface of the room. The man's angry breath could be seen huffing out into the chilly temperature, and his body shook with rage and disappointment.

I failed.

No! Vigorous determination set into the man's heart and he vowed to his sister,

"I swear, on my life, I will avenge you, Lily. I will kill the Flash!"

* * *

Barry sped into STAR Labs, air bursting the file of papers off Caitlin's desk. She huffed angrily and set about cleaning them up. Barry just shrugged and, in a flash, undressed, put his suit on its stand, and redressed. Cisco walked in, noisily slurping on a purple lollipop, with Joe, Oliver, and Felicity.

"Oliver, Felicity! What're you guys doing here?" Barry asked delightedly. Felicity had barely been gone a week, and Starling had certainly suffered in her absence. Yet, here she was, back again, barely a week later, with Star City's vigilante. She smiled and immediately hugged Barry. He stiffened at the contact, but smiled anyways and returned the hug. Oliver noted that the smile certainly didn't reach his eyes. Felicity stepped back to allow Oliver and Barry to shake hands.

"So, what are you doing here?" Barry asked again. Felicity and Oliver exchanged discreet glances, and Felicity cleared her throat.

"We just missed you. We wanted to check in, see how you're doing." Barry furrowed his brow.

"You couldn't have just called?" He asked. Felicity gaped, her jaw slightly open. Oliver stepped in.

"We have some business to discuss with Dr. Wells about a possible metahuman in Starling." Barry smiled.

"Great! Another all-star team-up! What's the metahum-"

"Actually, we just need Dr. Wells' expertise for this. You're, um, off the case." Oliver interrupted him, and offered a stiff smile. Barry frowned in confusion.

"But-"

"Barry!" Caitlin said quickly. She cleared her throat and continued. "Um, can I borrow you for a bit? I have some, uh, tests! Yes, some tests I need to run, and I need your help. Yeah, so come help me..." She trailed off and Barry eyed her suspiciously. He knew they were lying to him, but just nodded slowly and followed her out of the room, after sending Oliver and Felicity another suspicious glance. Felicity breathed a sigh of relief and turned to talk to Cisco as he and Joe walked in. Dr. Wells wheeled his way from his office to the center of the Cortex.

"Mr. Queen. Ms. Smoak. A pleasure to see you again, what brings you back to Central City?" Wells asked politely. Oliver and Felicity exchanged glances and then Felicity replied in a shaky voice.

"It's Adams. He's back, and he's coming for Barry." Joe clenched his jaw tightly, and his face bore a murderous expression, while Cisco swallowed thickly.

"How do you know?" Dr. Wells asked. His voice was calm, but there was a slight icy tone and hard look in his eyes. Felicity stepped forward to speak, while Oliver crossed his arms and stepped back to brood.

"After he fled Central City, he went to Starling." Felicity explained. "He started robbing banks, until we tracked him down and discovered who he was. He-well, he got away." Felicity lowered her head and glued her eyes to the floor, guilt eating away at her conscious.

"We figured once he found out Barry survived, he'd come back to kill him." Oliver said. Joe sat down and covered his face with his hands. _Just when things were getting back to normal - or, as normal as it can get with the Flash._

"Okay." Cisco said slowly, trying to wrap his mind around this again. "Okay, so we stop him. We've defeated metahumans before and the only reason Adams got Barry the first time was because he caught him unprepared." Cisco looked around, wheels grinding in his mind, already formulating a plan. "This time, we'll be ready."

"What about Barry?" Felicity asked. They all exchanged glances, seemingly thinking the same thing.

"This would destroy him." Joe said quietly. "We can't tell him."

"Whoa, whoa, hold up!" Cisco shouted, while Felicity voiced her protest as well. "We can't just not tell him that the man who kidnapped and tortured him for three weeks is back and wants him dead! He has to know!" Cisco yelled. Joe just shook his head and sighed quietly.

"We have to protect him. Cisco, please, we can't tell Barry." Joe whispered. He prayed it was the right thing to do, and that after it was all over, Barry would forgive him for lying. He made Henry a promise, he would protect his son with his life, and take care of him like he was his own. Joe had tried to lessen the guilt for putting Barry's father in jail by taking him into his home, treating him like his son. And now, after what Adams put Barry through, there was no way he was letting him hurt his son ever again!

"Tell me what?" Joe turned at the voice to see Barry leaning against the doorway to the Cortex. Caitlin appeared behind him moments later, out of breath and hair slightly disheveled.

"I'm sorry, he just, ran out on me." Caitlin said breathlessly. Barry frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, eyebrows furrowing deeply.

"Well?" Barry questioned. Joe opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

"Oh, umm, we were just, uh..." Joe stuttered, struggling to think of words to explain himself, but coming up with none.

"Michael Adams is back!" Felicity blurted out, and immediately apologized. The color drained from Barry's face and a slight tremor ran throughout his body. He pulled away from the wall and stood in the center of the doorway, his jaw hanging open slightly. He recovered quickly and pulled his face into a mask of calm and serious, but underneath it was obvious he was panicking.

"W-what?" Barry swallowed the stutter down and set his jaw tightly. He would not break down now, not after the progress he'd made so far. Oliver repeated what he'd told Joe, Cisco, and Dr. Wells before to Barry and Caitlin. Barry's heart leapt up his throat, and it was all he could do to stop himself from trembling. Joe approached him cautiously, and after a small smile from Barry, he pulled him into a tight hug.

"Don't worry, Barr." He whispered. "We'll stop him. He's not going to hurt you." Barry nodded and swallowed thickly. He cleared his throat, an indication to Joe that their moment was over, and after he was release from his foster dad's arms, he spoke.

"I'm going to ignore the fact that you weren't going to tell me he was back and get started preparing for him." Joe hummed sheepishly, and looked away. "Cisco, find him." Barry ordered sharply. Cisco ignored the ice in his tone and got started tracking him. "Everybody, stay here." Joe looked up quickly as Barry turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" He asked, worry and panic thick in his voice. Barry replied without missing a beat.

"If Adams is back, and he wants revenge, then he'll go after my family." Barry said softly. "Joe, stay here, I'll go to Iris." Joe immediately protested, insisting he go himself. "No, Joe, don't worry. I'll get her and Eddie and we'll go straight here. I promise, she'll be fine." Barry reassured him convincingly. Joe relented and without warning, Barry flashed out of the room with burst of wind.

"I really need some paperweights." Thought Caitlin, as she bent down to scoop up the papers blown away by Barry's departure.

* * *

Barry arrived, shoes smoldering, at Iris and Eddie's apartment. He walked up the stairs, and after finding the correct room number, he knocked several times. Normally, with Iris, Barry would've been able to make his way to her apartment blindfolded. But, ever since she and Eddie moved in together, Barry hadn't been able to bring himself to go there very often. After a few minutes waiting, the door opened to reveal Eddie, dressed in his work suit, surprise written on his face. Iris appeared behind him a few moments later.

"Barry!" Iris cried in surprise and delight. She hugged him and allowed him inside. "What're you doing here?" She asked. Barry tensed, but didn't answer. He, instead pursed his lips in silence and looked around the small apartment. "Barry?" Iris prompted, a slightly alarmed tone to her voice. Barry just groaned internally, and cleared his throat.

"Adams is back." Barry deadpanned, pleased he was able to keep his voice fairly steady. Iris' hand jumped up to cover the horrified gasp escaping her mouth and Eddie placed his hand on her shoulder to steady her. "He may come after you two, so get to STAR Labs quickly, ok?" Barry asked. Iris nodded and both Eddie and Iris grabbed their keys, phone, and anything else they might need, while Barry waited patiently at the door. When they finished, all three made their way to Eddie's car in the parking lot. "I'll meet you two there, ok?" Barry said. Eddie nodded and started the car, pulling out of the apartment lot, just as Barry flashed away. He ran through the streets of Central City, searching every alleyway, every warehouse, every single building for any sign of Adams. As he raced past the police station, his phone began ringing. He came to a stop in front of Central City Picture News and answered it.

"Hello?" Barry asked into the phone. He winced at the loud voice on the other end.

"Barry Allen!" Iris yelled at the CSI. A scrambling could be heard on the other end, and after some loud shuffling, Joe's livid voice replaced Iris'.

"Barry - _DAD! Gimme my phone back_ \- Barry, son where are you?" The phone crackled again.

"Barry!" It was Iris again, she sounded more annoyed than worried at Barry. "What are you doing?! You said you'd meet us at STAR Labs. Where are you?" Several other voices could be heard in the background through the phone.

"I'm not going to let Adams hurt any of you." Barry answered thickly. He started walking casually down the street, talking on his phone inconspicuously. "I'm going to find him, and stop him." Barry said harshly.

He could hear Eddie whisper under his breath, _"Stop him, or kill him?_ " The detective didn't think anyone heard him, but Barry had and after muttering a quick goodbye to Iris, he slammed his phone shut and continued his search.

At STAR Labs, the team sat in silence after Barry had hung up on them. They all heard what Eddie whispered, but more importantly, what Barry didn't say. His voice when he said goodbye, it didn't sound like their Barry. He sounded angry, vengeful, so unlike their happy go-lucky hero. It was unnerving, to say the least. And they knew that they had to find Barry before he did something he might regret. Or worse, _didn't_ regret. Oliver was the first to break the thick silence that had fallen over the shocked group.

"Felicity," Oliver said, immediately pulling Felicity's attention away from her best friends' strange behavior. "Find him." She nodded and commandeered Cisco's computer to track Barry's phone. "We need to get to Barry before Adams does. And stop him from - doing something he'll regret." Joe sat down slowly on a chair and the rest just tried to prepare for whatever was next.

"Oliver," Iris said cautiously, her eyes full if worry and fear for her best friend. "You don't think Barry would actually, you know, _kill_ Adams, do you?" She asked quietly, voicing the million-dollar question on everyone's mind.

"I think," Oliver said slowly, drawing out the words with a deep sigh, "that Barry is hurt, and confused. He's angry and traumatized. And he wants revenge, for everything that he's been through." Oliver swallowed thickly and leaned against a desk. "He's just like me after the island, after Tommy-" Oliver's voice broke at the end of his best friend's name, but he continued. "I was angry, at my father, my family, the world. I was so, messed up, and I used my work as the vigilante as a vent for my anger. Every arrow I put in another criminal was my way of getting revenge on the world. And this is exactly what Barry wants." Iris shook her head disbelievingly.

"No, Barry doesn't kill. He wouldn't, I know him." Iris argued passionately, her unwavering faith in Barry outstanding.

"He's changed. It's not his fault, Iris, but Barry just isn't in his right mind." Felicity spoke up, swiveling in her chair while she ran facial recognition throughout the city. Joe shook silently in the corner. _I just wish this was over._ A small beep came from the computer and Felicity turned sharply in her chair to read the words in the screen. Joe and Iris rushed forward, while Oliver grabbed his bow.

"Did you find him? Is it Barry?" Joe rushed forward, Iris directly behind him. Felicity shook her head.

"No, but I found Adams." She said quietly. "He's on the corner of Westfield and Stubbins, down Second Street."

"Let's go." Oliver said. Joe, Eddie, and Cisco turned to leave, but a slight shriek from behind them stopped them dead in their tracks.

"Wait!" Felicity shouted. She showed them the view from a traffic cam near the alley where Adams was. A streak of red passed the camera and their eyes widened.

* * *

Barry raced through the streets, passed bar after bar, restaurants, businesses, and houses. He hacked the STAR Labs computer, a trick he'd learned from Felicity, to hear the blonde IT girl locating Adams not far from Barry's current position. He grinned and raced back to Joe's house. After digging around under Joe's bed for a few seconds, Barry pulled out a small box and opened it. Inside, a 10 mm Glock 20 Auto, three cartridges at the bottom of the box. Barry shoved the gun inside his jacket pocket and dashed out of the house. Main Street, St. Bart's, ah, Westfield. Barry pulled to a stop in front of a jewelry store. He walked around the store to a dark alley behind the jewelry shop. A man stood in front of him, his back to Barry, but they both knew who it was. It was time.

"Barry Allen." The voice of his nightmares spoke coldly, tone icy as ever. He spun around to face the CSI. Cold fury rolled off both men in thick, suffocating waves. "You're supposed to be dead." _And soon, so will you._

"You're gonna have to try harder." Barry said. Adams smirked, but Barry saw the mirth behind the expression.

"Oh, don't worry," Adams taunted, "I will." As he finished his threat, he threw his hand forward and a flurry of ice shot towards Barry. He ducked around it, throwing an uppercut towards Adams. The metahuman was thrown against the wall, but he recovered quickly and launched forward to tackle Barry. They fought, metahuman against metahuman. Without his friends' support, Barry's anger and hatred fueled his fight.

Faster than ice, Adams couldn't keep up with Barry's speed. He attacked left and right, only to be cut down brutally by Barry. The battle ended a short three minutes later when Barry threw Adams against the side of the alley dumpster. Breathing heavily, Adams pushed himself up to stand, but with one final kick from Barry he was forced to kneel on his knees, as Barry slowly brought out Joe's gun. The dark alleyway was eerily silent, tense with apprehension. Adams chuckled darkly.

"You're gonna kill me?" He asked sarcastically. " _Please_ , you don't have it in you." Barry smiled darkly and smirked.

"Don't I?" He aimed the gun at Adams' knee and pulled the trigger. Adams screamed in pain and clutched his knee in agony. Barry slammed his foot on Adams' knee, pressing harder against the bleeding wound in rage.

"Barry!" Joe's voice startled Barry out of his anger induced stupor and he pulled his foot away.

Refusing to look at the group of people to his left, Barry asked in a bitter voice, "How did you find me?" His eyes never left the trembling monster in front of him. Oliver stepped forward.

"It doesn't matter, Barry." He finally spared a glance to his side where Joe, Oliver, Eddie, and Cisco were watching him cautiously.

"Put the gun down, son." Joe said from behind Oliver. Trembling, Barry raised the gun and aimed it at Adams' chest. Joe's eyes widened and he stepped around Oliver. "Barry, don't." He said calmly. The gun shook in Barry's hand, only slightly and his confidence wavered. One look at Adams had him gripping the gun tighter. He drew his lips into a thin line and furrowed his brows angrily.

"No. He deserves this!" Barry shouted, breath catching his throat. They were wearing him down.

"Barry, you're not a murderer." Cisco said. "You don't kill. That's one of the things that makes you such an awesome superhero!" Eddie chuckled softly in the back, and Oliver opened his mouth to speak.

"Barry, I know what you're going through." Barry scoffed at this and tightened his grip on the gun. " _I do_. I've been where you are right now, and I can tell you, this is not going to make things better. I promise you, if you kill him, you will lose yourself in your anger." Barry hugged angrily, but the archer continued. "Adams has taken so much from you already, Barry. Don't let him take any more." Oliver finished softly.

Barry clenched his jaw, but he knew they were right. _This isn't me, I'm good. I don't kill people. If I kill Adams, then I'm no better than him._ He swallowed thickly and began lowering the gun shakily. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and Oliver stepped forward to help. But then, as he pushed himself to sit on the back of his legs, Adams looked up at Barry and smirked.

"Knew you didn't have it in you." He whispered, voice low enough so only Barry and Oliver could hear him. Oliver saw it coming by the tensing throughout Barry's body, and the way his hand tightened its grip on the gun. In the blink of an eye, Barry had raised the gun and was pointing it at Adams' chest again. Oliver sprang forward to stop him.

"Don't!"

Barry pulled the trigger.

* * *

 **HUZZAH! Leave a review! Didja like it? Yah, so lemme know whatcha think please, and if you leave a lot, then idk maybe i'll update faster? idk but please I love you all. Review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review! :) XOXO PUSH THAT REVIEW BUTTON YEAH!**


	10. Let It Go

**HERE IT IS. THE END. The FINAL chapter.** ** _*sobs uncontrollably in the dark corner with lots of ice cream, rereading all your beautiful reviews. * (my life)_**

 **I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY SORRY THAT THIS HAS TAKEN SO LONG FOR ME TO WRITE, but to be honest, i was putting it off because I really, really, really, didn't want it to end. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Thank you guys so much for your love and reviews and just everything! You have been such support when I was writing this, and I'm sorry i took so long, but here it is. The final chapter. Enjoy! :) Please leave a review, guys, 'cuz Starla is really, really, really, REALLY, going to miss you guys. and i will too. XOXO**

 **DISCLAIMER: These characters and the show unfortunately do not belong to me. I'm just playing around with them.**

* * *

 _Flashback - Central City, 2002_

"Barry!" Joe shouted. No response. He cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted again. "BARRY!" The house rattled at his thunderous voice as the detective yelled up the stairs to his twelve-year-old foster son. The door opened in the hallway and a small head popped around the edge.

"What?" Barry asked harshly, but apologized quietly at the pointed look Joe gave.

"Get your skinny butt down here, right now." Joe said tensely. Barry groaned and stood, slamming his bedroom door loudly in protest. He dragged his feet down the hallway and stomped his way down the stairs, finally making his way to the living room after his purposely long trek to where Joe stood. Barry was in the beginnings of what looked to be a very moody tantrum. He slumped onto the couch and crossed his arms stubbornly.

"What?" Joe pursed his lips and flared his nostrils, seething.

"Why is it," He said slowly, "that I got a call today, from your school's principal, telling me that my son was fighting with two boys, in front of the entire school?!" Barry's face flushed red with anger and he clenched his stubborn little jaw.

"He said that my dad killed my mother. He didn't!" Barry declared. Joe sighed and rubbed his hands over his face.

"Barry." He said wearily. The 12-year-old jumped up and ran behind the couch.

"I know what I saw!" He shouted angrily.

"Barry, you saw your father stab and kill you mother! There was no lightning there that night and there was no man inside the lightning! You saw your father kill your mother, Barry! Nothing else!" Joe shouted. Barry was shaking with rage, clearly upset.

"No! He didn't do it!" Barry shouted, turning and running up the stairs, Joe running after him. At the top, he turned around and screamed at the top of his lungs. "I'M NOT CRAZY!" At that, Barry ran into his room and slammed the door shut. Joe huffed angrily, but didn't pursue Barry, letting him stew in his room, and he instead went to the kitchen to start dinner. He was throwing dishes around in the sink and cleaning up the mess he'd made for dinner when he heard a quiet, _"Dad?_ ", from behind him. He turned to see Iris standing in the doorway, seemingly hiding behind the arch.

"What is it, baby?" He asked, setting a plate down and walking towards the doorway to talk to her. She inched forward, apparently nervous about what she was about to ask.

"Is Barry...dangerous?" The 13-year-old asked, though she looked like a small timid six year old to Joe.

"What?" Joe spluttered. "Of course not! Iris, why would you say something like that?" Iris shrunk back in guilt.

"Today, in school, Barry got into a fight with Tony Woodward. He called Barry crazy and said that Barry's a murderer, like his dad." Iris confessed. Joe blanched, blinking slowly.

How was he supposed to respond to something like this? He swallowed thickly and answered.

"Iris, you know that Barry isn't crazy or dangerous. He went through something traumatic and lost his family. Yes, he may go to therapists, but that doesn't make him crazy. I don't wanna hear any of this crazy talk anymore, you understand?" Iris nodded slowly.

"But, you don't think he'd ever hurt anyone, do you? Like his dad?" She said quietly. Joe turned back to the dishes and scoffed.

"Sweetheart, Barry has one of the kindest souls I've ever seen. He's got a passion for science, not vengeance. We've got nothing to worry about. He'd never hurt anyone, ever." Joe laughed at the idea. _Little Barry? Grown up to be a murderer? Not in my house, that's for sure. Not while I'm raising him as my son. He'll be a hero._

"Barry, dinner!"

* * *

Adams fell backwards, three bullets buried in his chest.

He was dead.

Barry had killed him.

Barry approached Adams' body. He raised the gun and fired. Again and again and again, until the cartridge was empty. But he didn't stop after that, no, he continued to pull the trigger, firing nothing at the mutilated corpse.

"Barry." Joe whispered softly, his voice thick. He was horrified, to say the least. Not so much at Barry, but at what Adams had done to his son to drive him to do something like this. The expression on Barry's face, it was pure hatred. It was unsettling to be seen on the normally chipper CSI. Barry finally lowered the gun and turned to face the group. Joe desperately searched Barry's face for any signs of regret or remorse. There were none. His gaze hardened and without another word, Barry turned and ran. Cisco let out a shuddering sob, having just watched his best friend brutally murder someone, and Eddie dropped his head into his hands. Unsure of what else to do, they returned to STAR Labs, without Barry. Iris met them at the door, distraught.

"Where is he? Where's Barry?" She asked desperately. Joe just shook his head sorrowfully and made his way to the Cortex, where Caitlin and Felicity stood in shock after witnessing, via Cisco and Oliver's comms link, Barry murder Michael Adams. Eddie and Oliver rolled Adams' body into the Cortex on a gurney, to have his body taken care of and disposed of carefully and respectfully. Nobody spoke. They just sat in shock. After a few moments of silence, Caitlin stood to go take care of the body. She pulled bullet after bullet out of the dead man's chest, each tugging at the mangled flesh. By the end, she had a small jar full of bloody bullets, and each time she looked at it, or dropped yet another bullet into it, her stomach rolled. When she finished, Oliver and Eddie took the body away to be buried somewhere. After all, his only family was his sister, and she was killed, so there was no one to collect his body. They returned to a somber group of people. Cisco spoke first.

"What do we do now?" He asked. Nobody knew. Dr. Wells took charge and insisted everyone go home and get some rest.

"Not happening." Joe argued, barely beating Iris to protest. "Not while my son's still out there."

"Barry will come back when he's ready. But you won't be able to find him." Joe shook his head wearily, but he knew Wells was right. "He'll come home when he's ready to." With that final thought, everyone returned to their home, Felicity and Oliver were staying with Joe while in Central City, and prepared for the next day. They all went to sleep with the same awful thought.

"Barry, what have you done?"

* * *

 _"What have I done?"_ Barry asked himself miserably. He sat on a stool at some empty bar, silently wishing he was able to feel the alcohol. He'd already had enough drinks to incapacitate any normal person, but he was sober as a stone. It was a curse, really. He lifted the glass and swallowed the rest of the drink, before setting it down harshly. Barry pulled his wallet out and threw a couple hundred dollars on the counter, where the bartender scooped them up, and after reaching behind the bar counter to grab a full bottle, Barry walked out of the empty bar.

He stumbled around the back alleys of Central City in a stupor, exhaustion pulling at the edges of his consciousness. He came to a stop in the back alley behind Central City Picture News, and there he slid to the ground against the garbage dumpster behind the building. He popped the lid of the bottle and took a large swig from the drink, before swallowing thickly. He laid on the wet ground with his back against the wall and his arm draped across his raised knee, the other leg laying out in front of him. Barry leaned his head backwards against the metal wall and sighed heavily. He must've dozed off, because suddenly, Barry jerked awake and was flinching away from the bright light in his face.

"Mr. Allen?" The harsh light was taken away, and after slowly adjusting to the dark lighting of the alleyway, Barry found himself looking up at a very confused Captain. He shot upwards in realization and nearly knocked over the Captain in his flustered rush.

"Captain, sir! I was just - it's not-what are you - this isn't uh - I wasn't... I'm not, I swear a-and I was just, uh, I... don't have an explanation." Barry tripped over his words in a desperate attempt to explain himself, but he resigned to no answer defeatedly. Captain Singh stared at him for a few moments before sighing heavily.

"Are you okay, Allen?" He asked with genuine concern in his voice. Barry sighed and after leaning back against the wall, he slid to the ground again. To Barry's utter surprise, the Captain joined him. Singh held his hand out expectantly, and it took Barry a few moments to understand he was motioning for the bottle of alcohol by his side. He thrust it into the Captains' waiting hands and he took a large gulp from the bottle before handing it back to Barry, who took it back warily.

"Well?" Singh asked. Barry dropped his head and sighed.

"No. I'm not okay." He said simply. "I screwed up, I let my emotions cloud my judgement, and because of it, I hurt someone. I-" Barry's voice cracked with raw emotion and he drank desperately. But nothing could numb his pain, his anger, his regret, and in frustration, Barry threw the bottle at the wall opposite him. It shattered against the side of the building and the Captain visibly flinched, but he remained silent. After a few more minutes of silence, Barry muttered a soft apology and hung his head in shame. _I shouldn't have lost my temper, not in front of the Captain. I don't want to hurt him, too._

"It's alright, Allen." Singh said. "We all make mistakes." Barry shook his head.

"No, this wasn't like that. Part of me regrets it, part of me wishes I could take it back, but the bigger part of me...doesn't. And that's what scares me."

 _I really am a murderer, now. Lily was an accident, but I murdered her brother in cold blood. I'm a killer._

The Captain placed his hand in Barry's shoulder, awkwardly trying to convey some sort of comfort to the tortured CSI. Barry didn't shrug it off, but after a few more minutes of uncomfortable silence, Singh removed his hand and stood up.

"Go home, Allen." He ordered. "I'm sure your family's missing you." _I doubt it._ Seeing the CSI upset was unnatural to the Captain, he was normally a very bright person. But, being held captive and tortured for three weeks will do that to a person.

"Hey, Allen." Singh called. Barry lifted his head from his chest to stare up at his boss. "Whatever it is you did, I'm sure your family will forgive you. Go home to them, okay?" Barry sighed and stood. The Captain walked back to the front of Central City Picture News, where his car was parked, Barry trailing behind him, awkwardly. "Do you need a ride?" Singh asked. Barry chuckled to himself and shook his head.

"No, I'm good, I'll just walk." The Captain got in his car. "Hey, what were you doing at Picture News when you found me?" Barry asked curiously.

"Got a call about some drunk passed out in the back alley." He said simply, and with that, he drove away, leaving Barry and his blushing cheeks to walk home alone. Instead of rushing straight home, Barry wandered through the streets of Central City for a few hours. He was reluctant to return home, even after what the Captain said.

 _What if they can't forgive me? Will they even trust me anymore?_

Too ashamed to face his friends and family, Barry went back to his lab and pulled out the mini couch he had stored there, but didn't use it. He buried himself in his work load, the cases piling up during his three-week absence. Sometime around 3:00, Barry finally laid down and went to bed, but he woke up a little before 6:00, and after tossing and turning for another half hour, trying to get back to sleep, Barry got up and returned to his work. He finished around 7:00, and after telling the Captain he was taking the day off, Barry left work before Joe could come in at 8:00.

He wandered the city for a long time, unable to bring himself to talk to his family. His cellphone rang and the phone showed him it was Iris calling. Instead of answering, Barry let it ring. It wasn't until he stopped a purse thief from stealing a young woman's bag did Barry finally decide to face his family. He ran to STAR Labs and sped into the Cortex, unsure of what he would find.

It was empty.

No Caitlin or Dr. Wells sat at the computers, no Cisco tampering with Barry's suit, no Joe informing the team of a new metahuman. No one. He was alone.

The full weight of what he'd done slammed into Barry like boulder, the force of guilt enough to knock him to his knees. Barry collapsed in the empty room, hyperventilating breaths and tears streaming down his face. He couldn't breathe, couldn't move, could do nothing but sob uncontrollably to the silent room. He clamped his eyes shut and tried to calm his breathing, but only panicked more when he saw Adams' face in his mind, blood covering his body after what Barry did to him. The guilt was eating him alive, the horror of what he'd done leaving a painful tightness in Barry's chest. A guttural sob wrenched from his throat and he fell on his back, just staring up at the ceiling and letting his thoughts consume him.

 _I'm a monster, a murderer, I'm dangerous._ And that's what scared him. He was a danger to people. Not a hero, something to be feared. The look on Cisco's face when Barry pulled the trigger, it was fear. Cisco was his closest friend, and he was scared of him. _What have I done?_ Barry pulled himself up on his knees, letting the back of his legs rest on his heels, when he heard someone approaching. Wait, more than one person. He could hear distinctive voices; it sounded like Caitlin and Cisco. _Oliver too?_ Felicity's soft laugh roused Barry from his thoughts, but he did nothing to pull himself to his feet, instead content with sitting on the floor until they found him. His breathing had slowed considerably, but his pulse was still racing, his chest ached, and he could nothing to stop the tears running down his face.

"Barry?" Felicity's quiet voice spoke, and he only lowered his head in response. He stared ahead, at the bottom of the computer desks, rather than meet his friends' gazes. He heard soft heels clicking and then Felicity was kneeling in front of him, eyes searching his face. He refused to look her in the eye. She got down on her knees and took his face in her hands, forcing his gaze upwards to hers. He met her eyes, and in that brief moment, Barry searched her eyes for any hint of how she was feeling. To his utter surprise, he saw no fear, no horror, no disgust in her soft gaze, only quiet understanding and acceptance.

"Oh, Barry." Felicity whispered. Tears filled his eyes and he broke down.

"What have I done?" He asked, voice breaking with raw emotion, and Barry let his head fall forward into Felicity's embrace. She held him as he cried, as he tugged desperately at her hands, never judging him once, only being there for him. Barry didn't even notice when Caitlin and Oliver joined them on the floor, or when Cisco put his hands on Barry's shoulders in support, all four friends sitting in a small circle surrounding Barry, holding onto him just as desperately as he was holding onto them. It felt like hours passed before Barry lifted his head from its place against Felicity's chest. He met her watery gaze and she smiled softly.

"Thanks." He whispered quietly, cheeks suddenly flushing red at the intimacy with everyone. They all stood up at Barry's discomfort, and after they converged on him in a tight group hug once more, Barry disentangled himself from their embrace and stepped back.

"I-" He started, voice breaking slightly. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He apologized. Oliver stepped forward and pulled him into a tight hug.

"I'm not going to say it's okay, Barry," He whispered, "because it isn't." Barry's heart sank and the guilt began to resurface. "But, we all forgive you, Barr." _Wait, what?_ Barry pulled away from him and stepped back.

"H-how? How can you say that, after what I did!" Barry asked.

"Because, we believe in you." Cisco said. "We know you're a hero." Barry blinked at him, sputtering at them all.

"B-but, I'm a murderer, I-I killed him." Caitlin stepped forward.

"Barry, we know you regret it. We know you feel guilty, but _that_ -that is exactly what proves you're not a monster. We've all forgiven you, Joe, Eddie, Iris. All of us. You just need to find it in you to forgive yourself." She smiled at his confused expression.

"Barry." Felicity said. He looked at her and saw the acceptance in her eyes, and for the first time since everything happened, he could see a future where everything worked out. The past few months had felt so bleak and hopeless, like things would never get back to normal.

He'd gone from hating himself to hating Adams, flipping back and forth so many times, until his life felt completely upside down. Nothing felt right, but now, now he felt hope.

Hope that things could return to normal, hope that everything would be okay, hope that he would be worthy to wear the suit again. Barry looked around his group of friends, his family, really, and he finally felt ready to move on. To let this chapter of his life end and put this horrible ordeal behind himself, to finally move on with the story.

He was ready.

* * *

 **AND THAT'S A WRAP! thank you, so much everybody, for your support and reviews! I had so much fun writing this fanfiction, it's the first thing I've ever actually put effort into, so thank you. I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did, so please leave a review, or any ideas for me to write more fanfics, whether it's Flash, or Once Upon a Time, Doctor Who, whatever you want. Thank you so much, I love you! :) XOXOXOXOXO 3**


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